Deep Inside Pandora Boxx

By Drew Wilson

Pandora Boxx is the drag queen superstar who rocketed to fame as the Susan Lucci of 'RuPaul's Drag Race' season two. Since then, she's gone on to become one of the most popular cast members of all time and a full-time entertainer doing shows, making music and starring - alongside a bevy of bulging boy bodybuilders - in the most recent Andrew Christian video, 'After School Special' (NSFW). 

I caught up with her as she was packing for the Drag Stars At Sea Carnival Cruise (you know, the one that scandalized us all a few days ago by banning passengers from wearing drag and threatening to disembark any gay folks who offended the tender sensibilities of their more valuable customers, families with children) and we had a nice chat about her experiences with 'RuPaul's Drag Race', channeling Jessica Lange for her role as a glue-sniffing nun, and how she prefers her cars and penises.

Drew: Nothing like kicking off an interview with an awkward question so let's just get this out of the way. WTF is up with that whole bizarre Carnival Cruise situation?

Pandora: Well, I mean, I got the same email that everybody going on the cruise got at the same time they all got it and I think that the timing was really horrible, because it’s only five days before the cruise, and I’m not sure what they were thinking when they booked a drag cruise to then say that no one can go in drag to the events except for the performers.

There are a lot of drag queens who are signed up to go on this cruise and of course they are planning to do drag. When we do shows anywhere there’s always people who are dressed up coming to the shows. It’s a form of expression and I don’t know if they were thinking much worse things were going to happen or something but, I mean, I just don’t know.

But I will say that the choice of wording was extremely poor. Honestly, I was more offended by that wording; to tell people that they would be "disembarked" if they dressed in drag? I’ve been on cruises before and I've seen people dressed more offensively than any drag queens. I’ve seen heterosexuals doing all sorts of disgusting things … 

And nobody threatens them with having to walk the plank!

Exactly. So it’s disheartening to say the least. But at least they did come through with an almost-complete apology within a 24 hour period and that, for a big corporation is saying something. Whatever. I’m just focusing on the fact that they did come back and say it would be OK to do drag. But it was shocking to me. Drag queens are offensive to children? Anytime I’ve seen a kid who asked anything about it I just tell them it’s like celebrating Halloween every day and they’re totally fine with it.They get it.

Exactly. So with that out of the way, reason I wanted to talk to you in the first place was because I saw you in the new Andrew Christian/White Party Palm Springs video. Despite all of the eye-candy and antics going on in that video, my eye was immediately drawn to you. How'd you get involved in that project and what was filming like? 

Well, I know Brad Hammer over at Andrew Christian and we've been acquaintances and online friends for a long time and that’s how the dialogue started between us. I'm like, if someone promotes me, I promote them! I think their videos are genius because essentially you are watching a commercial but because they’re so good and so hot and just basically the best marketing ever, you never realize that that’s what it is, a commercial. Well, and sometimes soft-core porn. But they do a great job with them and I love them and was excited to do it.

And you play a glue-sniffing nun. How did you prepare for your role?

Well, I’m a huge fan of American Horror Story. Jessica Lange is the most amazing nun ever and I thought of her and said, "Oh, yeah, I can be a nun." It was a lot of fun. Everybody who works there is so nice and it was so fun and I got to molest the really hot gym coach a little bit.

Just a little bit?

A tiny bit.

Well, that's better than no molestation at all.

Yes, it is.

Do you personally own any Andrew Christian panties?

I do. And then they actually loaned me some underwear and models for my new video. I did a cover of Samantha Fox’s "I Wanna Have Some Fun" and it should be out very soon.

Sounds heavenly! You also have another song out right now, "Nice Car (Shame About Your Penis)," which is about you not liking guys with nice cars and small weiners. One of my readers who shall go nameless (Tink) wonders if you do like guys with nice cars and big weiners. Just between you and me, he's got a nice car and a big penis. 

(Laughing) Oh, I very much like those types of guys. But the song isn’t actually just about guys with nice cars and small penises - it’s about douche-bags with nice cars and small penises. I’m not prejudiced against a smaller penis at all. Although, I do like some girth.

Ha! So another big thing you were recently involved in was RuPaul's All Star Drag Race. How do you feel about Chad Michaels snatching the tiara?

Chad’s an amazing entertainer and he's very solid. He rarely messes up and is really consistent and was great all season. I’m happy with it. Actually, everyone in the top four was so good I think they could have gotten it.

Yeah, it's like, whoever you were rooting for, nobody could be mad at Chad for winning. They were all great.

Yeah, and everybody was going to lose except for one person anyway. There were so many fan favorites packed in that little season.

Now, I'm a big Drag Race fan and I was particularly excited to see you come back because you got a little bit of a raw deal on your season …

(Laughs) Just slightly.

Right? So you were looking fabulous and in it to win it but then you got teamed up with Mimi Imfurst and it seemed like you just gave up.

Well, you know I’ve heard that from …

Uh-oh! You've heard that from everybody and their gay uncle? Should I just go ahead and punch myself in the neck for asking?

Oh, goodness no! I just didn’t feel like I was giving up. Well, I guess there was kind of a moment where I was like, “I give up” because I just felt, like no matter what we did, we were never going to go very far. 

Why is that?

I just don’t think they would have allowed her to go very far. She’s campy and goofy and I think she’s hysterical and talented but she just doesn't fit the Drag Race aesthetic at all and she is never going to fit the mold of the things they want and the things they like. 

For me, I was like "Oh, my God." Because I think she was just cast for controversy. I wasn’t mad at her … and by the way, everything I’m telling you now, I told her then. Mimi’s not stupid. She knows why she was brought back and knew it was going to be an uphill battle.

How was All Stars different for you from your first season?

I came in with a lot more confidence this time. I knew I had a better wardrobe because I make more money now. I’m a full-time entertainer and I travel and I have more costumes and stuff. And I’ve played the game before. I felt like I knew what was going to happen and I was ready for it. But then they threw in that twist ...

Ugh! So lame.

Yeah, that look on my face? That stank face? It wasn’t because of Mimi. It was because I knew Jujubee was going to pick Raven. I knew it for a fact. That whole look was because it really felt to me like a punch in the balls. I knew all the hard work I had put in was just … gone. 

But I think what I learned is that I kind of got too in my head and should have just been happier and not made so many stank faces. And there were a lot of times when Mimi and I got along. When we were working on the challenges and after she did my makeup all right we got along fine and worked together but, you know, that doesn’t make for interesting TV.

Yeah. And in addition to that lame twist of having you guys partner up, we only got six effing episodes. I don't get it. Why would you have an all star season with only half the usual number of episodes? Makes no sense.

Yeah, the team idea is pretty much universally hated. Everybody hated it. I think I know of one person who liked it. And I don't know why they only wanted six episodes.

That one person is crazy and if I ever meet him, I will literally kick his ass. It was a terrible decision. Lame. Didn’t let you guys shine, didn't give the fans what they wanted. Ridiculous.

Yeah, I think the viewers really wanted to see everybody be able to compete and do their best. That twist, we weren’t happy about it and the viewers weren’t happy about it. But for whatever reason, they only had the six episodes and they wanted to get as many fan favorite queens on the show as possible. I think they’ve realized that people didn’t like it.

So what's next for you, Ms. Boxx?

You know, I was just asking myself that same question. It’s like, what is next? There’s so much I want to do. I want to work on new projects. I want to stay relevant. I’m working on more music. And I’m putting together a stand up comedy show I want to tour with and I have a short film coming out in January. Hopefully people like it.

Wow, so a little bit of everything.

Yeah, why not? When projects come in, I just say yes!

What would be your dream project?

Oh, my dream would be to have my own TV show but that’s a process and a half. But I’m still holding out for it.

We touched on this topic earlier but I'd like to come back to the topic of the show's aesthetic for a minute. Obviously, that was the judges' issue with you. You were this great, funny, kind of campy queen and they didn't want that so they pretended ...

You know, I was certainly not thrilled to have been portrayed like I had this horrendous wardrobe ... if you go back and watch you will see that I did not even have the worst wardrobe on the show. There were plenty of people in ugly outfits on that stage that never once got called out for them.

I did go back and watch. And yes there were.

And that’s fine. OK, maybe I had some ugly-ass outfits, but that’s what they reduced me to? That's how they portrayed me? Ugly outfits. And I didn’t realize that that’s what I was to them until after I got kicked off and realized, "Oh my god, I was the girl who couldn’t win." The challenge that I got sent home for? I actually for a second there thought I was going to win.

So did I, girl!

The judges had really liked everything I did but when I went out there I realized something else had gone on I wasn't aware of and it was like, OMG! And then when they said it was me and Jujubee on the bottom I knew it was good-bye, Pandora. It didn’t matter what I did, they just loved Jujubee way too much to send her home.

The writing was on the wall and the lipstick was on the mirror.

But Entertainment Weekly said I had the most controversial elimination of the season and that I was their pick for America’s Next DragSuperstar. I honestly think I have a lot of the fanbase that I have because I got kicked off when I did. And I’m kind of happy about that now! Then? No. Absolutely not. I was not happy.

Did you spiral into an all-consuming depression?

You know, I did actually. It’s like, you leave the show you go home, and then there’s so many months before it actually airs. For a long time I was just like OMG, I thought I killed my drag career. I thought I was going to be a total laughingstock. But then when it played, it was like 'Hmm, this is a little bit different'. The audience reacted well to me and people didn’t like the criticisms I was getting so I was like YESSS!!!

They understood the magic and mystery of Pandora Boxx! OK, I know you have to get ready for your cruise but before I let you go, is there anything you'd like to say to readers of MileHighGayGuy?

Just make sure everybody visits my website PandoraBoxx.com! Two exes in 'boxx', because the extra 'x' marks the spot! Womp womp! Such a nasty little joke.