Eric Kehela enjoys being a full time life enthusiast with a zest for the finer things in life which include positive thinking and manifesting a wonderful day each day; he is multilingual and holds a BA in Speech Communications from San Francisco State University and is pursuing an MS in Professional Counseling.
With a passion for writing and performing, Eric uses his honed skills and intuition to guide, communicate and connect with the people around him.
The best advice he can give is, “Grow from light and always find truth within you. Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars and always aim with your heart.”
Dear Eric,
One of my oldest and closest friends is dating someone new. The bad news is that this guy made some racist comments/jokes the first time we met and racism of any kind is simply a deal-breaker for me. My friend doesn’t excuse the comments but he claims he didn’t hear them.
When I told him that I didn’t think I could be cool with someone like that he told me I was overreacting and not to take it so seriously. To me there’s no such thing as taking racism too seriously and now in addition to being pissed off and disgusted by the guy who made the comments, I’m incredibly disappointed and angry at my friend to the point where I think I’m ready to walk away from a ten-year friendship over it.
Am I overreacting? I don’t think I am. I don’t think it would have been overreacting if I had punched the guy right in the face when it happened. And now I kind of regret that I didn’t. I'm mostly just venting but if you have some insight I'd love to hear it.
Sincerely, Frustrated Friend
Dear Frustrated,
Nothing turns anyone off more than negativity, racist remarks and the ignorance that perpetuates such nonsense.
Remember that you aren't dating this guy, your friend is; therefore, tread lightly. You are entitled to your feelings; however you are responsible for your reaction and that which your nonverbal-communication can express. Are you not expressing something? Are you perhaps more in-like with your friend than you are letting on? Perhaps you have not come to terms with the fact that you are indeed falling in love with your friend. If this friend of yours has been in your life for so long, you should be used to his antics and personality by now. Therefore, are you attracted to him and this is the reason why you are sensitively reacting in this manner? As racist, intolerable and inexcusable comments are made every day, nationwide, globally: regardless of skin color, the land of origin or the planet one comes from, individuals are judged, yet it doesn't take away from the fact that we are each walking our path through life. Whilst others may mask insecurities with tasteless jokes, pointless banter, mindless chitchat and small-talk, you don't; ergo, don't make it personal, it isn't about you.
Are these racist comments that bother you, a genuine reaction to an upset caused by your friend being with him and not with you? Is this secretly just an excuse for you to cope, because the presence of another guy with him bothers you? To thine own self be true. There's no one like you.
If you answered yes, you need to effectively express yourself without allowing emotion to impede.
If you answered no, you still need to effectively express yourself without allowing emotion and personal ideals to get in the way of telling your friend that this guy maybe isn't the right one for him (his energy being a main-factor). Your friendship has longevity, he should trust and value your thoughts. If it matters to you, it matters.
Whether your friend chooses to regard or disregard such banter is his doing and not of your concern. Whom he surrounds himself by is his choice and not yours. Granted he is your dear friend, you must remember you aren't dating him; therefore, his proclivities should not be of your concern.
The fact that you are sensitive to these matters - even if he's just your friend, only proves that you have evolved, whilst your friend chooses to regress and surround himself with those whom belittle others and degrade other cultures.Yes, you may still care about your friend, though your feelings do not entitle you to make a judgement-call on others' expression.
Live and let live, don't toxify your psyche with individuals who have no regard for others. Even in jest, such comments should not be made, for they are abusive, bully-worthy, hurtful, ignorant and downright unnecessary.
If your intuition is guiding you away from this long-term friend, honor that which you feel and move forward. People come into our lives for a reason and a season. When that reason and season are finished it is time to start fresh. You learned something valuable through this friend. If anything, be thankful that you rose above those who speak out of ignorance and lack of love.
Being in tune only makes you a better you for you, and a better you for others - if you will.
Thus, this is a new season and a reason to start anew.
