Friday, January 20, 2012

Ask Eric Anything: Help! I've fallen into a rut and I can't get out.

Dear Eric,
 

Every year I make the same resolutions and every year I make no progress. Literally, ever year for the past six years I have wanted to 1. Go back to school 2. Manage my finances better 3. Lose 20 pounds 4. Get into a LTR. I have tried many different methods of accomplishing these goals but with no luck. My question is, should I continue to look for alternative methods to accomplish these goals or should I take the hint and look for new goals. Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely, 

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

First of all, you need to examine the way you are doing things, and figure out what works best for you. Remember, you are in charge of your own happiness. This year offers a new opportunity for you to release the past six-years. Reinvent your own ideology, if you will, and take on the reality of your choosing. Remember, thought creates.

Resolutions are a great way of keeping track of your short and long-term goals but don’t lose track of the bigger picture –your happiness. Pace yourself and work at your own speed. Online classes are a good way of continuing your education without imposing as much on your lifestyle and finances, in essence you can go back to school from the comfort of your own bed or local coffee shop. If you are pursuing an undergraduate degree, there are many colleges offering grants and scholarships (fastweb.com) for whatever your educational endeavors may be.

Managing your finances shouldn’t be a problem as long as you honor yourself; don’t over-spend and lead a lifestyle in which you spend more than you have. Enjoy meals at home and, instead, of going out with friends, host a potluck dinner party – they’re always a smash! If you enjoy the public-social-scene-atmosphere, you can find many budget-friendly alternatives to satisfy your needs. Above all, do not squander your money, respect it and it will respect you; be wise and responsible in your choices and you will succeed in all you do.

Regarding your desire to lose twenty-pounds, you MUST be mindful of what you eat. What are your eating habits? Try keeping a daily log of what you consume and see what you can do differently. You can also read 'The Abs Diet' by David Zinczenko, this book offers work-out exercises and outlines the importance of nourishment and exercise. Avoid fast-foods, greasy foods such as bacon, sausage, lard or anything processed; eliminate sodas (look up on YouTube what it does to your system and educate yourself in your own best interests). Read your labels and ingredients. Do not sabotage yourself for an easy and quick indulgence. Microwaves may be fast and convenient but they do more harm than benefit. Cook for yourself as you would your partner.

If you cannot honor yourself, you are not able to fully give and honor someone else, as cliché as it is, know the truth in these words.

Make sure you are also in a stress-free and positive environment. If you truly release yourself from what is really holding you back (emotionally or psychologically), you will easily lose the extra weight that you want to release. Be a better you for you and no one else but you, however, keep in mind those around you and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

In order to have a long term relationship that lasts, you must know that it takes two to fully burn bright. Know that having a relationship is an addition to your reality and not a rescue mission. There is nothing wrong with finally wanting to settle down and be in a relationship, but you must make sure you have your own stability before you can expect someone to take any form of relationship seriously. When your heart speaks, listen to it and it will guide you to your twin-flame. Think of it this way: you already are in a relationship, he’s just on vacation waiting for you to get ready and join him. Love yourself as you would him and you will meet him faster than you know. Remember to honor yourself throughout the courting process and the one you are meant to be with will be a reflection of you.

There’s a quote from 'Sex and the City' I would like to share with you. If you allow it to resonate within you, I find it can be most helpful:

“There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

In essence, if the old routines were not working for you, try doing something new and effective that you will enjoy more than you previously did. I wish you the best of luck and I am cheering for you. Just remember to think with your heart before you start.

Eric Kehela has worked as a life-coach and therapist and is currently pursuing a Master's degree in Professional Counseling. His goal is to make a difference and help others along the way.