A reader writes: “This is my second year going to TDOR (Transgender Day of Remembrance). I am still having difficulty understanding a lot of the terms used by the transgender community.
“MTF and FTM I can understand, while others are not so easy. Also, I would like the understand more GLBTQ words and definitions as well. I’m a lesbian who barely understands the community lingo. I thought I was butch, then I understand that I’m seen as a soft butch. Now I think I’m gender queer. I’m 34 – all these new words are making me feel old and unsure.
“Is there a book or dictionary (with pictures) that can better explain to me the different terms and views?
Welcome to the world of ever-evolving language. Just when you thought you knew what a word meant, its meaning starts to shift. This is normal for language in general, but when you have a community that has been put in the position of having to create its own terms on its own terms, you tend to get multiple, and sometimes misunderstood, meanings.
I don’t know of one specific book or dictionary that explains all of the terms used in the LGBTQ community. It would be massive and ever-changing. But I think there are some things that can at least help out. I did a search for “LGBT dictionary” online, and there are a lot of websites that have many definitions.
The problem with books and websites is that, as I said, words and meanings change over time. Also, usage can vary from group to group and from region to region. Age factors in, as does race, ethnicity, class, and culture. So no matter what you do, you will probably be wrong, or at least a little off, at some time. However, if you have a base to start from, then you can learn to shift and adapt.
For trans terms, I have a really short Trans-lations page that deals with some terms. It probably needs some updating and additions, but it gives you a basic idea. There are also some 101-type books that explain vocabulary, including Nick Teich’s Transgender 101: A Simple Guide to a Complex Issue.
A couple other books that I plan to check out over the holiday break are The Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook: A Guide to Gender by Sam Killermann and The Gender Book by Mel Reiff Hill, Jay Mays, and Robin Mack, which is a finished book that is fundraising on Indiegogo right now for publication funds (check it out and consider a donation).
Readers probably have other resources to suggest. But the topic is so broad, diverse, and mutable that I don’t think there will ever be one definitive source that is agreed upon by everyone.
And pictures probably wouldn’t help. For example, I know some genderqueer people who lean toward traditionally masculine presentations, other who lean toward traditionally feminine presentations, and still others who are completely androgynous. I don’t know a lot about the lesbian community, but I would think that a soft butch in one community might be seen as butch in another and even femme in another.
Honestly, I would not take anyone’s definitions as the last word on the subject. Just hang out with different people, see how they identify, and ask questions. I have been in this community for sixteen years and I’m still asking questions. It’s not stupid. It’s the only way to keep up.
And you might always feel unsure about certain definitions, but you don’t have to feel unsure about your own identity (although it’s okay to feel that way). You can either choose a label that feels comfortable to you, regardless of how other people see you, or you can go with the flow and let yourself develop and change over time. The most important thing is that whatever label or labels you choose, they’re yours and not ones that someone else has imposed on you.
This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.
