Ask Frankie Anything: What's the Deal With Denver Guys?

By Frankie Silverstein

In a Comment of the Day in Westword, commenter 'seerclearly', made some strong points:

“I wonder if my experiences as a gay man who recently moved here are similar. What I've noticed is that Denver men seem to connect and disconnect randomly. I'll have some guy drooling over me and then he disappears for 3 months...6 months...two years and then comes back like nothing happened. And, a lot of them are narcissistic (focused only on themselves). Quite a few I've meet I'd have to classify as simply nutty: paranoid, ADD, Tourette's. Maybe it's all the Meth. There's a LOT of Meth. Which leads me to the great number of er... limp Johnsons. A lot of those too and all that it implies. But at least they look hot with their Lumbersexual outfits and beards.”

Drugs are prevalent everywhere you go; plain and simple. Meth and other drugs in Colorado will eventually find their way into the lives of those who welcome it. “Seek and you shall find,” I always say. I strongly believe we are magnets that truly attract that which we desire. In truth, drugs are prevalent in many cities, and in many communities. Not just the gay community, and not just Denver. 

I have met the nutty Denver men, the guys who will promise to come over and watch Buffy and never do. And I have also met the others - the curious, the gentle, students, brokers, the health-conscious, and the ones we overlook. Seerclearly, clearly had an unsavory experience which has molded his perspective of gay culture and gay men in this city. 

I would tell seerclearly to choose his company wisely. We all have dark periods in our lives; whether we choose to admit it to ourselves or not, it’s true. Instead of judging others based on their life experience and their unhealthy habits, focus on the positive and move forward. The majority of folks I've encountered with substance abuse problems suffer from low self-esteem and come from a past of broken homes and shattered dreams. Who are any of us to judge? Supposedly we are here to help each other instead of criticizing a few guys for wanting to have sex after they get blitzed. That sounds to me like a privileged and arrogant, entitled attitude. The LGBT community has suffered enough at the hands of homophobes and unaccepting families. If you're simply not into the dude, be polite about it. There's no need for rudeness and attitude. Instead of hurting each other with our ignorance, why not reach out and be a source of good in the world?

Seerclearly goes on to say:

“These wounds turn into feelings in their adult lives they can't deal with, so they cover them with Meth and alcohol and maybe 420. And the connect/disconnect? I think it comes from the religious idea that there is one right person for each of us who is perfect, a form or earthly eternal salvation. So when these guys start dating, the moment they see something even slightly wrong in their mate, they bail.”

We all have ways of dealing with our problems. So what if you drink a beer or smoke a joint to mellow out? Big deal. The problem isn’t just the act of substance abuse, or that meth, cocaine and other drugs are used to suppress life’s pains or amplify the most joyous. The main problem is that people are suffering and are being overlooked. Of course we all want a perfect love life, yet be advised, leaving your house will expose you to the tired, the listless, and the nutty.

Seerclearly’s perspective is valid, because it is his. But it's not the only perspective. Generalizations created out of fear can limit what you allow yourself to experience. Howard Schultz said it best, “We must learn to lead through the lens of humanity.” We must continue to be honest, human and kind. How else can you expect to land the right guy?

Aquarian California native, Frankie Silverstein, 33, currently resides on the central west-coast, enjoys being a full time life enthusiast with a zest for the finer things in life which include positive thinking and manifesting a wonderful day each day. He is multilingual and fluent in Spanish and American Sign Language. Frankie's passions allow him to bridge the gap from community to community, whilst leading through the lens of humanity and holds a BA in Speech Communications from San Francisco State University. 

With a passion for writing and performing, Frankie uses his honed skills, psychic gifts and intuition to guide, communicate and connect with the people around him. 

The best advice he can give is, “Grow from light and always find truth within you. Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars and always aim with your heart." You can find Frankie on Twitter @SilversteinLife, Like page on Facebook: Frankie Silverstein and on Instagram @FrankieSilverstein. Frankie wishes you a blessed day!