Showing posts with label Matt Kailey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matt Kailey. Show all posts

Friday, October 25, 2013

Tranifesto: Nathan Verhelst and the Choice of Euthanasia

By Matt Kailey

A reader writes: “I just read this extremely sad news about a transman in Belgium who chose to end his life (legally) after a series of unsatisfactory gender-confirming operations

“I wondered what your take on this news is, more from the perspective of the issues FTM people face than from the question of whether euthanasia should be legal (which is the primary focus of the HuffPost article). Though of course the question of whether euthanasia should have been authorized for this man’s situation is very relevant as well.”

I was also very sad when I first heard about this situation. And even though you said that you weren’t asking about my perspective on euthanasia in general, I’m going to put it out there anyway.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Meet the Men of MileHighGayGuy: Matt Kailey

Matt Kailey is a gay transman and an award-winning author, blogger, teacher, and community leader, as well as a nationally recognized speaker and trainer on transgender issues.

He is the author of Just Add Hormones: An Insider’s Guide to the Transsexual Experience (Beacon Press), a Lambda Literary Award finalist and Rocky Mountain News local bestseller, and Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects, a collection of humorous and heartfelt essays about his life before and after transition. In addition, his work has appeared in numerous publications, from anthologies to professional journals.

He is also a media personality who has appeared on local and national radio and television, in local and national print publications, and in five documentary films.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Tranifesto: My Brother Won’t Acknowledge Me as Male

By Matt Kailey
A reader writes: “I transitioned more than three years ago. I got my new legal name and gender, surgeries, and social acceptance. I’m very happy with my new identity and life. Even though it was hard at first, my mom and my sisters eventually came around and are loving and supportive towards me.

“But my brother is not. He still uses my old name and the female pronoun when talking about me. Mind you, he doesn’t do this in front of me. I talked to him and explained the situation when I started my transition. He seemed supportive at first. But now, it’s as though I don’t exist and he still clings to who I used to be.

“I feel hurt, and I’ve explained this to him, gently, then more firmly. But he hasn’t changed. His wife and kids accept me as I am. He does not. This makes family events at best awkward for me, as he does not call me by my name, nor hug me, nor look directly at me. If my mom wasn’t around, I actually doubt that I’d keep in touch with him, as I feel utterly detached from him now. Do you think I should try to reach out to him one more time? Is it worth it?”

I think it’s always worth it to reach out one more time. And then I think that it is also worth it to let certain people go.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Tranifesto: What Is My Sexual Identity?

By Matt Kailey

A reader writes: “I am having issues determining my sexual identity since transition from female to male. Dating and having a relationship are things I consciously took off the table while I was in the early stages of transition. It is now three years into transistion and the idea of having someone in my life is sounding pretty good.

“Although I am attracted to the male physique and enjoy the visual of a handsome, sexually attractive man, I just don’t picture myself in a sexual relationship with a man, but I wouldn’t take it off the table. I am attracted to women, especially lesbian women. But I am not so interested in overly masculine lesbians. If she is more masculine than I am, I feel feminine and that makes me uncomfortable.

“But the thought of having my face in close proximity of a vagina just makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t know if that is an act I could perform. I am not sure if that distaste has to do with the fact that even though I have had some surprisingly impressive changes, I still consider myself to have a vagina and I don’t like it at all and I am looking forward to the day I have lower surgery.

“I don’t really care about labels, but my brain wants desperately to find a category to place my sexually identity in. So what defines sexual identity? Is it attraction to femininity or masculinity, a particular type of genitalia or what? I like to believe my sexual attraction revolves around the individual as a whole and not just particular body parts. I am so confused. What are your words of wisdom on the topic of sexual identity?”

Friday, September 6, 2013

Tranifesto: Choosing a Name

By Matt Kailey

A reader writes: “I am a 17-year-old FTM. I know my first and last name choices to change, but I am having a hard time on a middle name. I wanted to know how you decided on yours, and do you have any suggestions for me?”

Middle names are interesting, and they can be just as important as first names, depending on how you intend to use them. I chose my middle name (and my first name) based solely on what my parents were going to name me if I had been born a boy. But there are plenty of other ways to choose a middle name.

If you have one name that you absolutely love, then go with it. But you sent me a list of several that you were considering, which I’m not printing because it could identify you. However, here are some things I would suggest thinking about when choosing a middle name:

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Tranifesto: Milestones and Setbacks of FTM Transition

By Matt Kailey

A reader writes: “I am a writer and have read your previous post to another writer asking about his/her MTF character. I have a good portion of details for my character (FTM), including, as you suggested, the reason I want him in a story.

“I want to portray him as realistically as possible, but being a cisgender female myself, I don’t quite get the full picture of the experiences that transgender people go through, especially those who are female-to-male like my character.

“My question to you is: What are some experiences you have you’d be willing to share, such as difficulties with acceptance or hormones? What are some major milestones or setbacks relative to the FTM transition?”

I could write at least a couple of books about my experiences (and I have), and so have
quite a few other guys, so the first thing I would suggest is that you check out as many memoirs by trans men as you can find. (Here are links to excerpts on this blog from Just Add Hormones and Teeny Weenies.)

This doesn’t have to be expensive. Many larger libraries have at least my first book and other books by prominent trans men, including James Green, Max Wolf Valerio, Chaz Bono – and there are many others. And some libraries will order them if they don’t have them. Also, if you live in a larger city that has LGBT resources, some centers have lending libraries. Used bookstores are also a good place to browse if they have an LGBT section.

I would also suggest reading blogs and watching videos by trans men. There are quite a few of both, and some guys have a whole video series on YouTube devoted to their transition. These can be quite enlightening, and you actually get to see the changes and “meet” the guys, so you get a real sense of who they are. Readers can probably suggest several blogs and vlogs that would be helpful.

I would recommend doing tons of research with regard to different trans guy experiences. There’s just so much out there. And even with my own experiences, I could probably write several more books. So what I’m going to put here are just a few of the “highlights” for myself. Other guys will have other things that were important or meaningful to them, and I hope that we hear about them in the Comments section.

Milestone 1: My first shot of testosterone was on Martin Luther King Day in 1998. Now, the fact that it was Martin Luther King Day makes it a little easier to remember, but I would probably remember it regardless. It seemed to take forever for my therapist to approve it, and she made me jump through a few hoops that were irritating at the time (Cut my hair? Stop wearing makeup? Get my implants out? You’re kidding me!), but that, in hindsight, were necessary. She was very wise.

Milestone 2: For myself, and for quite a few other guys who I have talked to, the “sir” thing is very important, particularly in the beginning of transition. Many of us measured how “well” we were doing in transition by the “sirs” that we got during the day. I would count them, and say things like “I was ‘sirred’ 25 percent of the time today (or 50 percent or whatever).” When it got to 100 percent every day, then I felt that I had overcome some major hurdle.

Milestones 3-5: My name change and gender marker change on my driver’s license were huge deals for me. My chest surgery was another huge deal, and once that was done, I felt like I had “made it.” Going shirtless in public for the first time was also a major milestone.

Difficulty 1: Learning to give myself my own shots was a big difficulty. I was such a baby, and I was paying a lot of money and wasting a lot of time going to the doctor every two weeks so I could get a shot. When I was finally able to give my own shots, it gave me a huge measure of independence (sort of like learning to use a potty chair or walk to school on my own).

Difficulty 2: Another difficulty was (and still is) transphobia within the LGB community and homophobia within the trans community. I am most negatively affected by transphobia in the LGB community, as well as a simple lack of knowledge. When I go to an organization that has LGBT in its name or attend an “LGBT” event, I expect that the people there will at least have some knowledge about trans people, and many times, they don’t.

Difficulty 3: I don’t even get the chance to interview for jobs that I am highly qualified for. I never get a callback and I rarely even get a rejection letter. I believe that prospective employers google me when they get my resume and just don’t want to mess with me because they don’t understand who and what I am. It’s easier just to go with someone else.

Setback 1: Getting “ma’amed” after getting “sirred” for months (or even years) is always an emotional setback. It doesn’t happen to me in person, but even now, when I get “ma’amed” on the phone or at the drive-thru, it bothers me once in a while. I usually don’t care, but it depends on how vulnerable I’m feeling that day.

Setback 2: Early in my transition, it was very difficult for those around me to get my pronoun right. Every time it happened, it was hugely discouraging. I even threw some minor temper tantrums that I will forever regret. The name comes first. The pronoun takes much longer. I wish I had been more patient.

Those are a few of mine. I’m sure that my trans guy readers will have a few as well. And although transition for trans women is very different (we are not just the “opposite” or “reverse” of each other), I think that trans women’s stories can be similar and helpful in understanding the whole trans spectrum. So hopefully we can hear from a variety of people, including those who have not medically transitioned.

Also remember that race, class, culture, background, geographic location, and many other factors figure into milestones, setbacks, and difficulties. And no two trans men are the same.

Good luck with your book.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Tranifesto: Transphobia in Marginalized Communities and You Are Loved

By Matt Kailey

I have a couple of unrelated letters, but they are short, so I thought I would put them together and create one post. Here they are:

A reader writes: “I am a transman who is doing some research on Transphobia within minority groups (LGB and Black communities). Unfortunately I am not having too much luck finding material due to the lack of studies, etc. Could you recommend any sources?”

I am not aware of any studies, although there are probably some out there. Readers might have some ideas or might have seen some. I would recommend contacting the following organizations for starters:

Trans People of Color Coalition

Transgender Law and Policy Institute

National Center for Transgender Equality

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

With regard to transphobia in black communities, there are some individuals who can probably give you great information, but remember that individuals are very busy and are often volunteering their time, so might not be able to respond. I would recommend:

Monica Roberts of TransGriot

Dr. Kortney Ryan Ziegler of blac (k) ademic

Kylar Broadus

Readers, do you know of any studies? What would you recommend?

A reader writes: “I recently came out on Facebook as a transman, and while I got a lot of support from friends, I also got 168 hateful, bigoted, and damning emails (mostly from people that I graduated from Bible college with). One guy (a pastor of a church) even said “If you were my child and told me you were transgendered, I’d hope you would kill yourself.”

“As a response, some of my best friends made a Facebook group called P.S. You Are Loved to respond to hate with love. They started collecting letters from people I know to remind me that despite those 168 pieces of hate mail, that I AM loved, and that there is a support network full of trans people and trans allies out there.

“My friends created this for me in an hour of need, but I think it’s not just me that needs this. There are a lot of people out there that could use a reminder that they are, in fact, loved. Even by complete strangers.

“Would you mind checking the group out and maybe sharing it with your readers? I’m hoping that more people can see and participate, maybe write a letter to another trans person out there who might be struggling? Thanks!”

I have checked this out and it looks like a great Facebook group, so I would encourage others to do the same. We can all use some love and support in our lives, as well as just some all-around good cheer. So check out P.S. You Are Loved on Facebook and @psyouareloved on Twitter.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Tranifesto: My Granddaughter Came Out as Trans

By Matt Kailey

A reader writes: “My 12-year-old step-granddaughter has come for a visit. My 19-year-old daughter realized she was acting different and in a discussion with her, my granddaughter explained she feels more like a boy and wants to live as one.

“While taking them to the mall for shopping I expressed that I have only known her as a girl and would probably have trouble in doing things differently. I do choose to be careful not to say ‘she’ and to refer to both girls as the guys or kids, etc.

“Once home, my granddaughter was quiet, and when asking my daughter about it, I was told it was my fault, that my granddaughter was depressed because we can’t jump into this new world with her at the drop of a hat.

“My daughter is very sensitive to issues like this. The problem came when my daughter yelled at me and called me a white supremacist, among a number of other things, because I am not trying hard enough to support her niece/nephew.

“I tried to point out at 12 this is a confusing time and talking to a professional to make sure the child really feels this way is a good way to go. I was told I know nothing and the decision has been made and my grandchild will dress, act and for all intents now be a boy and to not respect that I was showing disrespect to my grandchild. Any advice?”

First, I have some thoughts:

> It’s unfortunate that you were not prepared for this prior to your grandchild’s visit. I don’t know if your grandchild has even talked to his parents about this (I will use the male pronoun because this is what your grandchild has requested). But if he had discussed this with his parents prior to his visit with you, his parents should have let you know, in my opinion. Regardless, you were not prepared, and that led to difficulty that I would say is not your fault.

> While I believe that a 12-year-old is plenty old enough to know his gender identity, a 12-year-old is not necessarily emotionally sophisticated enough to understand the concept of patience with regard to those who are just beginning to adjust to a new gender presentation, new pronouns, and so on. I would expect that a 12-year-old might have outbursts of anger and impatience and might not understand why everyone around him cannot happily adjust to his news without any questions, concerns, or slip-ups. I would expect more from a 19-year-old.

> I don’t think either one – your granddaughter or your daughter – is being fair to you. Again, I would expect that from a 12-year-old, but I wouldn’t give a 19-year-old as much leeway. At 19, a person ought to be aware of the shock this might be and the time that it might take to adjust. With regard to the name calling, I have no idea what problems have come up in your family with regard to race, but your daughter might want to stick to arguments that have something to do with the situation at hand. And then she needs to grow up and calm down so that you might actually be inclined to listen to her.

> I agree with you that I think your grandchild should talk to a professional. Even if he is not the least bit confused about who he is, he is going to have to navigate the world in a different way, and he is going to have to make some decisions for himself that are going to be difficult. A professional therapist, particularly one who is knowledgeable about gender issues, can help him do that.

Now I have some advice:

I would recommend that you sit down with your grandchild – just the two of you – and have a discussion. If I were you (and I’m not), these are the things I would ask and tell my grandchild:

> Have you talked to your parents yet? If yes, what did they say? If no, why not? When are you planning to do that?

> If you have already talked to your parents, how do they feel about taking you to a therapist? Are they using the name and pronouns that you have requested? Have you had any troubles? (You also want to make sure that your grandchild is safe in his home.) Is there anything that I can help you with?

> If you have not talked to your parents, how do you think that they are going to respond? How would they feel about me using a male pronoun for you and relating to you as male? What do you want me to do when I talk to them about you (for example, if they call to check on you)? If they don’t know yet and I use a male pronoun with them, that will obviously be troublesome. How do you want me to handle all of this? Is there anything I can do to help you talk to them?

> I want to support you, and I will do my very best. It’s important for you to understand that I love you and I want to do the right thing. It’s also important for you to understand that this was dropped in my lap and that I have not experienced this before. I still have to get used to this and to adjust to this. I might make mistakes in my pronoun usage, and I might make other mistakes as well. I hope that you are able to bear with me on this and understand that I am doing my best.

I don’t know what the relationships are within your family. If your grandchild has not yet talked to his parents, you might want to offer to go with him or help him with that. I would not recommend that you “tell on him” – that you talk to his parents before he has. But I would make it very clear that he has put you in a bit of a dilemma, because he is expecting you to see him as male and refer to him as male, but yet his parents are not aware of this, so you will be switching back and forth with pronouns and so on with his parents, and this could lead to problems.

I would also make it clear to him that this is not necessarily a fair position that he has put you in, and that you hope that he will decide to tell his parents very soon. (Again, you need to be cognizant of his safety and what might happen to him if he tells his parents.)

If he has already talked to his parents, then I would recommend that you talk to them and find out how they want you to handle this, then put that together with what your grandchild has said and make your best determination. (And depending on your relationship with them, I would be inclined to ask them why they did not prepare you for this.)

But I think the most important thing is the one-on-one with your grandchild. Take him to lunch, take him to the park, take him wherever the two of you can talk uninterrupted. Your daughter should not be in on this conversation.

And don’t let your daughter bully you. You and your grandchild will come to some understandings during this conversation, and depending on what the two of you decide, you daughter might or might not need to be privy to all of them. So you can let her know that you had a good discussion and that you and your grandchild have some agreements that you will both be following. She needs to keep her nose out of all that and have her own conversations with her nephew.

And although this might be a little out of line for me to suggest, since this was not the question you asked, you might want to talk to your daughter about your expectation that the two of you will have adult conversations now that she is an adult, which means no yelling and no name calling – just honest, open discussion about your concerns.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Tranifesto: It’s Time to Lose ‘I Didn’t Choose’ (to be Transgender)

By Matt Kailey

I’m pro-choice, but in this case, I’m not talking about a woman’s right to choose. I’m talking about my right to choose, and my right not to be a victim of my birth.

I just finished watching a new indie gay and lesbian film that had an interesting premise, but I felt like I was back in the ’70s, with the word “homosexual” being thrown around all the time, even by the gay and lesbian characters, and this little gem coming from one of the young lesbian characters when talking to her father:

“I didn’t choose to be this way. I’ve always been this way. I’d be straight if I could. My life would be so much easier.”

I get really tired of this argument, which makes straight the default — and the desirable — way to be, and gay or lesbian the undesirable and unchosen way to be — a way that was forced on certain unfortunate people as a mistake of birth. After all, who wouldn’t want to be straight if they could?

Well, I happen to know hundreds of gay and lesbian people who wouldn’t want to be straight if they could. In fact, I’m not sure I know any who would want to be straight. I know some who would prefer not to have the hassles of being gay or lesbian. I know some who would prefer not to face the prejudice, discrimination, and outright hatred that comes from being gay or lesbian. But I can’t think of any who would want to be straight if they could. I’m sure they’re out there — they’re just getting harder and harder to find.

I realize that it’s a little different for trans people. I realize that there are many trans people who would prefer not to be trans. But I think that quite a few of those trans people, if given the “choice,” would choose to be born into the sex that matches their gender identity, not the gender identity that matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

So do these trans people really wish they weren’t trans? Or do they simply wish that they didn’t have to face the hassles, prejudice, discrimination, and outright hatred that comes with being trans?

Being trans, in and of itself, is not a curse. Neither is being gay or lesbian. It’s the society and the culture that decides whether such things are negative, positive, or neutral. If, as in some cultures, we were revered as powerful, knowledgeable, spiritual, and blessed human beings, would we wish that we weren’t trans? If our family was proud, if we were deemed as special — or even if we were just treated matter-of-factly — would we wish that we weren’t trans?

The “I didn’t choose to be this way” argument paints us as victims. It paints us as tragic figures with an external locus of control — life has done something to us. We have no control over it or over ourselves. We have no “choice.”

I understand the purpose of the argument, because, truly, none of us did choose to be transgender (or gay, lesbian, or bisexual). No one chooses to be straight or non-trans, either. But you don’t hear straight, non-trans people arguing that they didn’t choose to be that way. They don’t need this argument, because they have the power. We don’t. That power makes their particular existence the “right” way to be. We feel as though we have to make the “no choice” argument in order for those in power to accept us, to grant us our rights, and to quit killing us.

But I think there are better arguments — arguments about equality and dignity and human rights — that give us a stronger position and make us stronger as people. To say, “It wasn’t my choice” is to say, “I wouldn’t be this way if I could help it” — which is to say, “This is a bad way to be.”

But is it such a terrible way to be, or is it only terrible because of the way we are looked at and treated by society? Why is straight better? Why is non-trans better? We have been brainwashed into believing that this is so, and we have been brainwashed into believing that we are “less than,” so we have to come up with an argument that excuses our deficiency — and that argument is: “I didn’t choose.”

We come to the table as victims, we sit at the table as victims, and then we wonder why we have no power. It doesn’t matter whether I chose to be this way or not — what matters is that, by virtue of being a human being, I deserve the same rights as everyone else.

There’s nothing wrong with me (well, there’s nothing wrong with me that has to do with being trans). And guess what? I wouldn’t be non-trans if I could. Now tell me why that makes me less deserving than anyone else.

Let’s lose the argument and take back the power that is inherent in our humanness. Let’s forget about who did or who didn’t choose what and concentrate on what we all deserve by virtue of our shared humanity.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Monday, July 1, 2013

Matt Kailey is Everywhere You Want to Be!

Award-winning author, speaker, and activist Matt Kailey is always popping up where you least expect him. Here he is smiling at us from the home page of Metropolitan State University of Denver where he teaches one of the few Transgender Studies college classes in the country. 

Topics covered in the class include basic transgender terminology and etiquette (did you know that there’s a “T-word” that is generally considered an unacceptable slur?); the history of the transgender movement and transgender people (did you know that the Obama administration was the first to appoint an openly trans woman to an important government post?); social, medical, and legal issues (did you know that Colorado was the first venue ever to issue a hate crimes finding in the murder of a trans person?); transgender children and youth (did you know that a Colorado Girl Scout troop caused a national controversy by admitting a transgender scout?); resources for transgender people and service professionals (did you know that Colorado has one of the oldest gender centers in the country?); and many other topics essential to an understanding of transgender people and issues.

Kailey also writes and sells books. You should buy some!

Friday, June 28, 2013

MileHighGayGuys Discuss DOMA and Marriage Equality: Matt Kailey

"As we celebrate the SCOTUS ruling on DOMA – and celebration is definitely in order – I think that it's important to remember that trans people can still be fired in the majority of states just for being trans, that gay and lesbian people can be fired in the majority of states just for being gay or lesbian, that same-sex couples cannot be legally married in all but a handful of states, and that SCOTUS also took a giant leap back in time with its ruling on the Voting Rights Act. We are so far from across-the-board equality in this country that you can't even see it from here."

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Tranifesto: Should Trans People Play Trans Characters? Yes and No

By Matt Kailey

The idea of trans people playing trans characters on television, in films, and on stage comes up time and time again, and will probably continue to do so as more trans characters are appearing in mainstream story lines and more trans actors are moving into the mainstream entertainment world.

When Boys Don’t Cry came out years ago, my first thought was “They couldn’t find a trans man to play this part?” The thought came back when Transamerica graced the big screen and I wondered if there really weren’t any trans women out there to play this role. But the truth is that if they had found trans actors to play Brandon Teena and Bree, the films would not have taken off the way that they did.

Hilary Swank and Felicity Huffman were box-office draws. At the time, and still today, no trans actor would lure mainstream audiences to theaters the way that Swank and Huffman did. Since the benefit of both of those films was letting mainstream audiences learn a little bit about trans and gender-diverse experience, the impact would be lost.

On the other hand, wouldn’t trans actors have been a better fit? Wouldn’t trans actors be able to legitimately portray these experiences so much more realistically than non-trans actors who had to learn the ropes from the ground up? And wouldn’t casting trans actors in roles like these give them the exposure that they needed to gain some traction in the tough and competitive acting world?

Yes and no.

There are a lot of good things about trans actors playing trans characters, and I believe that it should be done whenever possible. But there are some downsides, too.

I love the show Modern Family, and I love Eric Stonestreet in his role as Cameron, a relatively stereotypical gay man, but with far more depth than a simple caricature. When Stonestreet won an Emmy for his role after the first season, I was happy about it and I thought that he deserved it. But the truth is that the other actors on that show are just as talented and just as good in their roles (and many of them were nominated and have gone on to win awards as the show has continued).

I think that Stonestreet won, in part, because he is a straight man playing a gay man – something that is seen as “acting.” His on-screen partner, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, is gay. For some people, the assumption is that a gay man playing a gay character isn’t really “acting” – he’s just being himself, with no credit given to the fact that “himself” is probably nothing like the character that he is portraying.

And so it might very well be with a trans actor playing a trans role – “Oh, that person isn’t acting. That person is just being him- or herself.” And that’s one of the downsides. If a trans man had played Brandon Teena in Boys Don’t Cry, no matter how good of an actor he was, he would probably not have gotten nearly the credit that Swank got. And he probably would not have won an Academy Award, as Swank did. The assumption would be that he wasn’t really acting.

So while I’m completely in favor of trans actors being cast in trans roles, and while I’m also in favor of trans characters appearing in mainstream film and television without the plot or subplot revolving around some hideous or hilarious thing going on in their life with regard to being trans, I also want to see trans actors playing non-trans roles.

This will not only showcase their wide range of talent, but it will help prevent typecasting. If trans actors only play trans roles, then when the perfect part comes along for a particular actor, and that part happens to be a non-trans character, the casting director won’t even think about the trans actor for that role. But if that actor has played many parts, both trans and non-trans, then his or her name is more likely to come up as a possibility.

And there are certain films in which getting the experience out there to mainstream audiences is more important than casting a trans actor in a trans role. In that case, I say let the actor who will draw the biggest audience play the role, even if that actor is not trans. In the long run, this will help us, because as our community gains more visibility and more acceptance, trans actors will benefit as well.

But overall, I think we should support trans actors for trans roles (if they fit the role), we should support trans actors for non-trans roles (if they fit the role), and we should work to make sure that mainstream audiences understand that trans actors playing trans characters are still acting – this is talent, not just “being themselves.”

Readers, what do you think?

(P.S.: If they ever make a movie of my life, I want Peter Sarsgaard to play me. No, he’s not trans, but they’re not going to make a movie of my life, either, so it’s pretty much a moot point.)

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Summer Reading List: The Books of Matt Kailey

Looking for some summer reading? Check out the works of award-winning author (and MileHighGayGuy contributor) Matt Kailey.

Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects
Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects takes a long, hard look at getting the short end of the stick, both before and after transition from female to male. This collection of humorous essays explores identity, sexuality, and growing up female in a world with two sexes, two genders – and no exceptions.

Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects is available in paperback, on Kindle, and as an eBook download.



Just Add Hormones (recommended by Chaz Bono)
Just Add Hormones: An Insider’s Guide to the Transsexual Experience (Beacon Press) is an exploration of gender, sexuality, body image, and personal identity, as seen through the eyes of one transsexual man.

Just Add Hormones was on the Rocky Mountain News local bestseller list in September 2005 and was a finalist for a Lambda Literary Award. It is available in hardcover, paperback, and on Kindle.



Focus on the Fabulous
Focus on the Fabulous: Colorado GLBT Voices (Johnson Books) is a collection of 33 Colorado GLBT authors writing about their lives, their loves, and their state. Don’t miss this first-ever volume of Colorado GLBT short fiction, creative nonfiction, poetry, and experimental writing.

Focus on the Fabulous was on the Denver Post local bestseller list in September 2007. It is available in paperback.




Our Day Will Come
Our Day Will Come is a novel that explores family relationships, ageism, independence, and authenticity as two gay men struggle to build a relationship in a nursing home. It is available in softcover through online booksellers.

Our Day Will Come is available in paperback and on Kindle.


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Tranifesto: « Ask Matt: Hey, Conservative Mom, I Don’t Like ‘Gender Bender Day’ Either

By Matt Kailey

A Milwaukee mom refused to send her seven-year-old son to the Tippecanoe School for the Arts and Humanities on the day that the school originally tagged as “Gender Bender Day” – when boys were supposed to wear “girl” clothes and girls were supposed to wear “boy” clothes – according to the Wisconsin School Reformer. Amid complaints, the school eventually changed the name to “Switch It Up Day,” which is actually kind of funny considering the sexual connotations of the word “switch.”

Regardless, Deidri Hernandez was pissed and said that she did not want her son exposed to this apparent promotion of “homosexuality” in schools. She then went on to confuse sexual orientation with gender identity by saying, “They might as well call it Transgender Day.” She also complained about how liberals and atheists have the ear of the school, but others do not.

Well, Ms. Hernandez, I’m one of those liberals and atheists who are apparently so powerful and influential, and the truth is that I don’t like the idea of “Gender Bender Day” or “Switch Hitter Day” or whatever you want to call it either – but for very different reasons:

 This activity assumes that there are only two genders and only two acceptable ways to express them – probably a dress and makeup for girls and pants and maybe beard stubble for boys. There are no gray areas here, and it is likely that no alternative options for gender expression will be discussed.

Most girls wear pants to school now anyway, at least some of the time, so the real “delight” of this day will be boys in dresses that everyone gets to laugh about and make fun of. Far from promoting “homosexuality,” an event like this instead promotes gay and trans bashing – “Wow, John, you sure look pretty in that dress. Who knew you were so gay?” “Albert, that dress fits you perfectly. Is it your mom’s or is it yours?” “Joe, you look so good in those high heels that I would date you – but I’m not a f*g!”

This might be okay for the popular boys and the jocks, who get to step back into their acceptable “masculine” persona the next day. But what about the nerdy guys or the shy guys or the guys who don’t exude the traditional masculinity that is expected of them, particularly at a middle school age (the school include grades K-8)?

If they participate, they’ll get hammered by the “cool” kids. If they don’t participate, they’ll get hammered by the “cool” kids, and there will be suspicion cast – “Steve, why didn’t you wear a dress today? Too many at home to choose from? Too afraid it will out you?”

While some might argue that this type of event allows trans kids to finally express themselves and spend a day living in the gender with which they identify without fear of ramifications, I would argue that this should be happening every day. This day will not really benefit trans kids, and it will possibly serve to make them feel more like outsiders than they already do as they listen to the other kids laugh and joke over everyone’s “outfits.”

So while I wouldn’t keep my kid home from school on “Gender Bender Day” unless he/she/ze wanted to stay home, I would certainly not condone the activity. And I would let my kid dress however he/she/ze wanted to, on that day and every day.

And as much as I don’t like it, maybe the idea of a “Gender Bender Day” at school is signalling some progress. When I was in junior high (that’s what we called it then), girls weren’t allowed to wear pants to school, and the most gender bending we did was the Sadie Hawkins Dance, the one event where the girls were allowed to ask the boys for a date. Otherwise, as a girl, you were just supposed to stay home and wait by your phone. At least we’ve gotten past that.

Now what we have to get past is the idea of a girl/boy gender dichotomy with gender expressions specific to each – so much so that a “Gender Bender Day” is a student body’s idea of something fun and a conservative mom’s idea of something damaging and dangerous.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Tranifesto: On Looking Male

By Matt Kailey

Today we have a couple of letter related to “male” appearance and expression. I now turn it over to the writers.

A reader writes: “I was looking back on an old post where you stated trans guys all ‘pass’ after x amount of time on testosterone.

“I have now been on T seven years. I have changed my documentation. I have a baritone voice. I still occasionally get read as female. This seems to occur more when I am in queer-friendly spaces, and if it happens where I can respond, I simply correct people and say, ‘It’s sir, actually’ or something similar.

“I think it’s important that trans men realize that sometimes you can do things ‘right’ (have a deep voice, act masculine, etc.) and your transition might still take a long, long time.”


It’s true. I have said in the past that, in general, trans guys will not be mistaken for female within a year or two of starting testosterone. And I think this is true for most trans guys – but there will always be exceptions. Transition is a process, not a product, and hormones are going to affect everyone differently.

Some people’s bodies just don’t process hormones in a “typical” or expected way. For some, the genetics just aren’t there for the physical changes that allow for complete assimilation as a “traditional” male (or female).

For me, I have had to accept the fact that I will be “ma’amed” at least 50 percent of the time on the telephone and at drive-thrus. I hate it, but I don’t think that it will ever change. I don’t have a super-deep voice, but it’s not the deepness that is the problem – it’s the inflection or modulation. My voice is all over the place – up, down, and very expressive.

That is a “female” trait in our culture. I’ve tried the monotone thing, but I have to concentrate too hard, and if I’m not thinking about it, I revert right back. So that’s my annoyance, but it is minor.

I don’t know how you look, act, or sound, but I think that queer-friendly spaces can sometimes be the most difficult for trans men who identify as men and who use male pronouns and titles. When I was first transitioning, I lived in what was considered to be a “gay” neighborhood. In my neighborhood, I got “ma’amed” all the time. But when I went to the suburbs, where gender roles and gender expression are much more established and binary, I always got “sirred.”

In straight, traditionally binary spaces, expressions of masculinity are seen as male, and so those people in traditionally “male” clothing with a “male” haircut and “male” mannerisms are almost always seen as male. In more queer-friendly, non-traditional spaces, the lines are blurred.

People generally rely on their previous experiences to define their current experience. When their previous experiences with masculine-appearing, baritone-voiced people have shown those people to be male, that’s the assumption they will make now and in the future. When their previous experiences with masculine-appearing, baritone-voiced people have been mixed, then they will make the assumption that is most in line with what has happened for them in the past – which might have been that those people were female.

It’s a pain. But you’re right – although testosterone generally makes it pretty easy for trans guys to quickly assimilate into the culture as men if they choose, it doesn’t happen for everyone. Age, genetics, and other factors will always play a role. It’s definitely a process – and it’s also a crap shoot. You get what you get, and you don’t know what that will be until you get there.

Transitioned readers, what has been your experience with others’ gender perceptions of you after many years, and how have you adjusted to any problems, or what have you done to mitigate them?

A reader writes: “I’m a 20-year-old female. I’ve been researching sex reassignment surgery and it’s not something I think I’d ever be interested in going through. I’m looking for different ways of expressing maleness. I’ve recently begun fixing my closet to ‘guy gay/fashionably butch’ attire, which I like. My voice is naturally flat and low, which I like.

“I also want to achieve a more masculine body shape through building muscle, which I know will be limited by lack of testosterone injections. I already have a good build; I’m tall, broad-shouldered, solid, with decent muscle already, especially in the legs. I’m most interested in shoulders, arms, and abs.

“Do you have any suggestions for products I can use that aren’t injections – maybe creams, supplements, etc.? Any way to alter where weight accumulates? Other suggestions would be great.”


It sounds as if you’ve got a good start with regard to the body shape that you want. There are testosterone gels or patches that you can use in place of an injection, but they will also give you other male characteristics, such as a deeper voice, facial hair, and possibly body hair. They will act on your body just like injections would, and it doesn’t sound as if this is what you want.

I know that some people also use DHEA supplements, which can be purchased over the counter at health stores, as an alternative to testosterone, but I think reviews are mixed with regard to how beneficial DHEA is. It also appears that it can produce some masculinization in females similar to the results of testosterone, which I’m not sure you want.

I would recommend that you look at both male and female body-building magazines – male magazines to provide you with exercises for the appearance that you want, and female magazines to provide you with diet and supplement tips that help females build muscle without the benefits of testosterone.

Also, if you can afford it, you might want to buy a couple of sessions with a personal trainer and describe to him or her the body shape that you want. That person can probably give you some advice on what to do to get as close as possible to that shape.

Estrogen will determine how and where your body fat is distributed, which will affect your body shape. But you can work particular muscles to try to counteract or balance that as much as possible. For example, if your hips are very wide because of fat that is distributed there (you can’t change your pelvic bone structure, which will generally be wider than a non-trans man’s), you can build up your shoulders to balance that out so that your bottom half doesn’t appear as wide.

I believe that I have both male and female readers who work out with weights and do a lot of body sculpting, so I’m hoping that readers will have other suggestions. I now turn it over to the brains (and bodies) of the operation.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Tranifesto: Five Attributes of Trans Allies

By Matt Kailey

Last week in my Transgender Studies class, and also at a Diversity Day presentation that I made on the Auraria Campus, we talked about allies.

In my opinion, allies are an important component of any group. They add numbers, they add voices, and in some cases, they bring a certain amount of power that is lacking because of the way that a particular group is seen in the “mainstream,” where the group is trying to gain at least equality, if not acceptance.

That last contribution is unfortunate, but true. Without allies, many groups would not be able to move forward as rapidly and as successfully as they do with outside support. Allies are an important component of any movement. I have written about allies before, but I think it’s always a good time to revisit the topic, so I would like to outline what I consider to be five important attributes of trans allies:

1. A trans ally acknowledges his/her/hir own power and privilege and is aware of it, but also acknowledges ours. In other words, a trans ally understands that we are not victims and don’t need rescuing, but also understands that the support of allies is beneficial to our community.

Trans allies prefer to help us develop and utilize our personal power in situations where they have it and we don’t, rather than take over and wield their own power while we are silenced. I have done many co-presentations with non-trans allies (who are all fantastic, by the way), and a couple of time, I have felt almost used as a poster child to make a point about the injustices to which trans people are subjected.

While I appreciate the recognition of those injustices, and while I appreciate that non-trans people just learning about the topic might be more open to receiving this information from another non-trans person, I also feel that this drains my own personal power and removes my voice – and I do have one – from the conversation.

Of course, not all trans people have the same level of personal power, and for each of us, the amount of power we have depends on the situation at hand. But when we do have it, we need to be able to use it.

2. A trans ally speaks up for us, but doesn’t speak for us. No matter how many trans people an ally knows and no matter how long he/she/ze has been involved in the community, an ally understands that trans people need to speak for themselves and that we are the best ones to describe our own experiences.

At the very beginning of my transition, I was on an LGBT Advisory Board to a particular organization. When we were doing some “LGBT advising,” someone asked what “transgender” actually was.

Being the only trans member of the group, I should have been the one to field that question. Instead, the group’s leader, a gay non-trans man, took it upon himself to do so – and he got some of the information wrong. It’s hard to believe now, but I didn’t speak up. I had not yet found my voice. But it did teach me a lesson about who is truly an ally and who would rather just see themselves as important.

Regardless, we definitely need other voices, people who have our backs, and people who will speak up for us, particularly when we aren’t present. A chorus of trans and allied voices creates perfect harmony (I can’t believe I just wrote that corny cliché).

3. A trans ally utilizes books, websites, films, conferences, and other resources to learn about the trans community, in addition to asking questions of trans people when it is appropriate. Learning about the trans community should not be an effort for an ally. An ally is truly interested in learning the information.

I have had prospective allies say to me, “I would like to be an ally, but I know nothing about this. What can you tell me?” In an educational setting, where my purpose for being there is to teach about trans issues, this is entirely appropriate. But when I’m at a party or dinner or just hanging out, I would rather not “start from the beginning.” I think most of us would prefer that a would-be ally do some self-education and then ask us to fill in some blanks or clear up some misunderstandings.

4. A trans ally works for inclusion, not just diversity. In other words, adding a “T” to your organization’s name or displaying photos of trans people on your website might reflect diversity, but it does not reflect inclusion.

Diversity involves diverse populations being visible and represented in your organization. Inclusion involves all those diverse populations working on behalf of your organization, including in positions of leadership, power, and influence. You can’t have inclusion without diversity, but you can definitely have diversity without inclusion. Both are necessary.

How many trans people have gone to an “LGBT” organization, only to discover that there are really no services for trans people, and the “LG” (rarely B) people there don’t know much, if anything, about trans issues or resources? It happens every day. Don’t stick a representative picture on a poster and assume that your job is done. Diversity and inclusion are two different animals.

Look at it this way: Diversity is “I’m throwing a party and everyone’s invited.” Inclusion is “Let’s throw a party.”

5. A trans ally works to forward trans equality even when trans people aren’t around. Trans rights and trans equality are part of an ally’s life, and that concern exists even when no trans people are present and even when no trans people are aware of what the ally is doing. Being an ally is something that you live, not something that you turn on and off depending on the situation.

We should recognize and thank allies. That’s extremely important, and when we take them for granted, they can easily disappear. Allies don’t have to hang around. But a true ally doesn’t do it for the recognition. The notion of trans rights and equality is simply incorporated into their being. They live it and they act on that value day to day. In other words, an ally’s work is never done (another corny cliché).

There are certainly plenty more characteristics of a trans ally. These are just a few of my favorites. And I think that these apply just as much to trans people who want to be an ally for a group of which they are not a member. We need to remember what we want and need from others, and then take it upon ourselves to bring those characteristics and actions to our own life and our own roles as allies.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Tranifesto: Some Realities About Public Restrooms


By Matt Kailey

It’s 2013 and we are still arguing over the right to eliminate.

Colorado has some of the best laws in the country around the protection of trans rights, and our public accommodations law covers transgender and transsexual people, but we are still doing battle over bathrooms. Most recently, a six-year-old girl has been the target of discrimination when, despite our laws of protection, her school is not allowing her to use the girls’ restroom.

And now the state of Arizona, which brought us the most discriminatory racial-profiling bill in recent history, is back at it with SB 1045, which originally mandated discrimination against trans people and would pretty much force everyone, trans or not, to haul their birth certificates around with them in order to use public facilities.

Rep. John Kavanagh, a sponsor of the bill in the state legislature, has now “softened” it to allow, but not force, businesses and organizations to discriminate. He claims he did this in the face of public outcry. (Did he think there wouldn’t be any? He doesn’t know our Arizona trans community very well.)

So just as Colorado proves that a public accommodations law is not going to stop discrimination against trans people, Arizona is letting us know that it really doesn’t care.

And in the trans community, we know that laws such as the one making its way through the Arizona state legislature will negatively impact trans women the most. We also know that these laws are almost always based on an underlying premise of sexual predation.

In the face of all this, I would like to reiterate some of the points I make in Five Points for Non-Trans People About Public Restroom Use and add some additional points here:

> I lived as a girl and a woman for forty-two years. In that time, I used public women’s restrooms tens of thousands of times – at school, at work, in restaurants, in bars, in the mall, at concerts, and at every other possible public venue. In all of those years, not once – not once! – did I see the genitalia of anyone else in any of those restrooms. Over a period of forty-two years, I had no idea who was in the bathroom with me or what the other bodies in there looked like – nor did I care. (And I didn’t show anyone mine, either.)

> Trans people are not sexual predators. I worked for eighteen years in child and adult protection, and I have worked with hundreds of sexual perpetrators and victims of sexual abuse and assault. I will tell you who the majority of sexual perpetrators are. They are fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, husbands, dates, teachers, coaches, clergy, youth leaders, and sometimes a random stranger. In that time, I never ran into a trans person who was an assailant or a woman or girl who was sexually assaulted by a trans person.

> Laws do not thwart sexual predators. They are already breaking the law. Rape is against the law. Sexual abuse is against the law. If a sexual predator wants to enter a women’s bathroom and assault someone, he will do it (I say “he” because most sexual predators are men). No law is going to stop him, because his intention already is to break the law.

> Although most sexual predators are men, women can also be sexual predators. And what bathroom do they use?

> Trans women are in far more danger of physical and sexual assault in public restrooms than non-trans women and girls are. If you want to see assaults increase, force trans women to use men’s restrooms. Your assault units will have more than enough work to keep them busy, and the victims will be trans women. And I know that there are plenty of trans men who many women would not want in the women’s restroom, regardless of what their genitals look like or what their birth certificate says – not because they are dangerous, but because they are men.

> To those who are concerned about “sharing” a restroom with a trans person – you already are. You have been for years. You just don’t know it because we don’t strip down in public restrooms or go waving our genitals around (and for many of us, even if we did, you still wouldn’t know it). We are probably far more modest than you are, and we are probably far more concerned about taking care of business and leaving.

> The majority of sexual perpetrators in the world are non-trans men. That’s a fact, and there are statistics everywhere that will back that up. Sexual perpetrators love these so-called “bathroom bills” because they take attention and resources away from where they really should go – stopping sexual violence against women and girls, including trans women and trans girls. And passing these bills gives women and girls who believe this nonsensical rhetoric a false sense of security because some imaginary “threat” has supposedly been eliminated. By concentrating on these ludicrous bills, you are playing right into the hands of true sexual perpetrators.

There are real problems going on right now in this country, and in individual states, that require real solutions. Who is using what bathroom isn’t one of them. By concentrating on these non-issues, lawmakers are able distract the public from the real issues that need legislative attention, but that they don’t know how to solve.

Another discriminatory law is not going to help anyone. It’s just creating a problem where none exists and using it as a smokescreen to divert attention away from far more serious issues. Give it up, John Kavanagh, and get back to work.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Tranifesto: An Interview With Choreographer Sean Dorsey

By Matt Kailey

Sean Dorsey is an award-winning choreographer, dancer and writer. Recognized as the United States’ first out transgender modern dance choreographer, Dorsey has won audiences and accolades from San Francisco to New York with his powerful dance-theater. Dorsey is the founder and Artistic Director of Fresh Meat Productions, the first U.S. non-profit dedicated to the year-round creation, presentation, and touring of transgender arts.

Dorsey’s current show, The Secret History of Love, will be in San Francisco from March 28-31 as part of a 20-city national tour. Dorsey was able to talk to me via e-mail about the show, the LGBT history project upon which the show is based, and being out and trans in the dance world.


Matt Kailey: How did you get interested in dance and choreography?
Sean Dorsey: I have always loved dance and movement. I spent a lot of time twirling around my living room in my leotard, dancing to records as a kid. I didn’t grow up at the ballet barre, though – I came to dance “late,” and didn’t start my professional dance training until I was 25. When I did start, though, I hit the ground running!

MK: Did you become a professional dancer and choreographer prior to your transition? If so, how did your transition affect your career? If not, did you enter the profession as an out trans person?
SD: I started my dance training prior to my physical transition, but I was trans and queer identified. Changing rooms and gendered movement in dance were very challenging, painful. I would do everything I could to avoid using bathrooms or changing rooms, even once I started dancing professionally.

It was hard. I didn’t know a single trans dancer in the world, had never heard of a single one. I became very driven to create space in dance for transgender and queer people – both through my choreographic work, and by founding Fresh Meat Productions (the nation’s first nonprofit to create, present and tour year-round transgender arts programs, including our resident dance company Sean Dorsey Dance).

MK: Do you think that being an out trans person has hurt or helped your career overall and in what ways? How are you and your shows perceived/accepted by non-trans, mainstream audiences?
SD: There have been plenty of painful parts about coming into the dance world as a transgender person – but I feel very, very blessed to be transgender. It really is an enormous blessing to be a trans person.


In terms of my shows, I have had totally a positive response from both LGBT and straight audiences, from trans and non-trans people alike. I have trans and queer people come up to me after shows, saying they were in tears during the show, that they were so moved, or that they’d NEVER seen themselves onstage, in dance before. That’s huge.

I’m blessed that my shows tend to draw sold-out audiences – and my audiences are this AMAZING mix of people that you’d NEVER see in one room together normally: transgender people, mainstream dance-goers, lesbians, gay men, seniors, youth, activists, theater-lovers. I’m proud of my work, and I’m proud of my audiences! There’s activism in bringing those people together into a room, into conversation.

TheSecretHistoryOfLove1__ByLydiaDanillerMK: You have also worked on this LGBT Elders Oral History Project, upon which your current show is based, for two years. Did you start the project with the idea of turning it into a show, or were these two very different things (your choreography and the history project) that just converged?
SD: The inspiration for the show came first. I am passionate about uncovering and sharing transgender and LGBT history. Our lives get left out of mainstream history books and family albums. It’s critical that we celebrate, document and share our history, or our lives and struggles and accomplishments will be lost.

I knew I wanted to make a show about how on earth LGBT people managed to survive and find love and community and relationships in decades past, long before Stonewall. I wanted to go to the source, to talk to elders and ask them how they did it. And so my LGBT Elders Oral History Project was born.

I spent two years talking to transgender, lesbian and gay elders across the U.S. – asking them about their first crushes, their first loves, coming out and living as LGBT in the earlier decades of this century. And you hear these elders’ own voices and real-life stories in the show. It’s very powerful.

I also did a ton of reading and archival research – getting my hands on real-life love letters, handbills for speakeasies from the 1920s, a cocktail napkin with a love note and phone number written on it from the 1950s. I read hundreds of love letters going back decades, centuries even.

MK: What would you like to say about your show, The Secret History Of Love?
SD: The Secret History Of Love reveals the underground ways that LGBT people managed to survive and love each other in decades past. I created the show through the two-year National LGBT Elders Oral History Project.

The Secret History Of Love features the voices and life stories I recorded in these oral history interviews – along with powerful, moving and hilarious episodes from the LGBT community’s remarkable history of finding love and community against enormous odds. Everything from 1920s speakeasies to wartime love affairs to police raids to steamy underground cabarets and more, performed by my company with special musical guest Shawna Virago (a brilliant trans woman singer-songwriter).

Over the next two years, we’re taking the show on a 20-city national tour: Philadelphia, San Antonio, Tampa, Claremont, Chico, Washington, D.C., Atlanta and more.

The Secret History Of Love is a very powerful show – it features full-throttle dancing, riveting storytelling, luscious partnering and first-hand tales of tremendous risk, passionate love, impossible courage, heartbreaking loss, and bold resistance – revealing the great resiliency and strength of the human heart, even in the face of great danger and devastating violence.

People can see where we’re touring next at www.seandorseydance.com/calendar.

SeanDorsey_ByLydiaDaniller-1
MK: What other projects are you working on now?
SD: I’m starting work on my next project, The Missing Generation and The Source Of Joy. The work will explore the contemporary impact of the loss of part of an entire generation of LGBT people to AIDS during the 1980s. I will create the work in five cities across the U.S., through a LGBT Inter-Generational Oral History Project and extensive archival research.

It’s big and intense and emotional, and we’re just jumping in now – along with our partner theaters in San Francisco, Washington, D.C., Atlanta, Lewiston and Tampa. We’ll premiere Part One of the show in March 2014 in San Francisco, and the full world premiere in 2015. I’ll keep you posted!

People can join my email list at www.seandorseydance.com to get updates about my work and where we’re touring next!

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Gay Colorado Writers Nominated for Lambda Awards

Colorado's own gay author, blogger, community activist (and MileHighGayGuy columnist) Matt Kailey's latest book Teeny Weenies: And Other Short Subjects has been nominated for a 2013 Lambda Literary Award. His first book, Just Add Hormones: An Insider’s Guide to the Transsexual Experience, was a Lambda Literary Award finalist, and his blog, Tranifesto, won the 2010 TransGuys Community Award for Best Blog.

Also from Colorado and equally (if not even more) gay, Jerry Wheeler has also been nominated for a Lambda Literary Award for his short story collection Strawberries and Other Erotic Fruits.

Congrats to both guys, I've been a fan and/or friend of both of them for years and years (and years) and they both deserve to win.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Tranifesto: Do Trans Men Die Young?

A reader writes: “I have a pretty scary question. I’m a trans man, and pretty early in everything, so I used to like looking accomplished trans men up online to have some celebrities to feel some sort of connection to.

“But then I noticed than trans men seem to die pretty young – at least the ones mentioned in ‘famous trans men’ lists all around. So many died before they were even fifty or sixty. And now I just saw another memorial post on Facebook for a guy who died, also before his 50th birthday.

“I know that it’s probably a coincidence, and that all the trans men who live long, happy lives are probably never heard of. But I just have this nagging fear inside that it might have something to do with medical conditions that aren’t being noticed because of bias in the medical system, or something to do with testosterone or … you get the picture.

“My doctor doesn’t know anything about anything, so now I ask you. Maybe you and your readers know something. Do you know if there is any kind of medical study of how trans men in general do medically after transitioning?”

The one thing I do know is that you will never get out of this life alive. I’m not trying to be snarky. You will die of something, and my philosophy has always been that I would rather die after having lived a full and authentic life than after having lived as someone I am not.

There are some health risks associated with testosterone, but for most people, these can be mitigated. From what I have read, trans men overall have the same life expectancy as non-trans men, which is slightly shorter than for women.

Some of the guys who you have read about have committed suicide. Lou Sullivan, a very famous trans man who is probably on many of those lists, died from complications related to AIDS. Robert Eads, another very well-known trans man, died from ovarian cancer. Both of these deaths were quite likely complicated by bias in the medical system.

Many of the guys you have probably read about would have died whether they transitioned or not. They might have had some overlooked or undiscovered health problem that would have killed them regardless. They might have developed a terminal illness that had nothing to do with testosterone. The only reason you know about them is because they were trans.

I will turn 58 in March. I know that Jamison Green, one of the most famous trans men in the world, is a hair older than I am. My very best trans-guy friend will retire this year at 62. Both James and my friend have been on testosterone longer than I have, and I have been on it for 15 years.

There are honestly a ton of trans guys over 50 out there. Some of us might not be as visible because we have assimilated into the mainstream and are not visible as trans men, or because we are not as Internet savvy (or as interested) as the younger guys who grew up with technology.

So don’t freak out about dying young. I can’t guarantee that you won’t, but I can guarantee that you will hear more about people who die than you will about people who are living, because death is almost always a shock, and when someone dies, people will talk about it. People also tend to elevate dead people to a higher plane out of respect, which draws more attention to them.

Here’s what you can do to mitigate any health concerns associated with T:

1. Get your cholesterol, blood pressure, red blood cell levels, and liver functioning checked regularly. I take cholesterol medication. My friend takes medication for high blood pressure. Both of these conditions can be exacerbated by testosterone, but we’re both fine as long as we’re on our meds.

2. Don’t smoke (this, not T, is what is going to kill me), exercise regularly, try to maintain a weight that’s right for you, and try to eat as healthy as possible. This is good advice for anyone, but one thing that T can do is cause fat redistribution around your middle, which is the most dangerous place to carry fat. It puts you at higher risk of heart attack and stroke, so try to keep it away from there.

3. If T has increased your anger or hostility levels (for some guys, it does, and for some guys, it doesn’t), try some regular meditation or anger management techniques. Research has shown that the thing that kills Type A personalities (hardworking, competitive, time sensitive, quick to anger) early is heart disease, and the heart disease tends to stem from anger.

4. Get regular PAP tests and pelvic exams if you still have your original reproductive organs.

5. Find someone who will act as your advocate if you become too sick to advocate for yourself. Even if you develop some illness that is not related to testosterone, there is always the possibility that you will experience bias in the medical system because you are trans. If you have someone to monitor your care and treatment, that person can hopefully prevent some of this from happening.

I would also suggest referring your doc to some helpful sites like Hudson’s FTM Resource Guide and The Transitional Male, as well as the publication Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men: A Guide For Health Care Providers, for some good information.

But my advice is not to sweat it. Testosterone has its dangers, but so does estrogen – even when your own body is manufacturing it. If you had been born male, you would be dealing with the dangers of testosterone, just like every other guy. Take care of yourself and you will live the life span that you are intended to live. None of us knows what that is. So we just have to keep on going and hope for the best.

Readers, what do you think?

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.