Ask Frankie Anything: What's the Deal With Denver Guys?

By Frankie Silverstein

In a Comment of the Day in Westword, commenter 'seerclearly', made some strong points:

“I wonder if my experiences as a gay man who recently moved here are similar. What I've noticed is that Denver men seem to connect and disconnect randomly. I'll have some guy drooling over me and then he disappears for 3 months...6 months...two years and then comes back like nothing happened. And, a lot of them are narcissistic (focused only on themselves). Quite a few I've meet I'd have to classify as simply nutty: paranoid, ADD, Tourette's. Maybe it's all the Meth. There's a LOT of Meth. Which leads me to the great number of er... limp Johnsons. A lot of those too and all that it implies. But at least they look hot with their Lumbersexual outfits and beards.”

Drugs are prevalent everywhere you go; plain and simple. Meth and other drugs in Colorado will eventually find their way into the lives of those who welcome it. “Seek and you shall find,” I always say. I strongly believe we are magnets that truly attract that which we desire. In truth, drugs are prevalent in many cities, and in many communities. Not just the gay community, and not just Denver. 

I have met the nutty Denver men, the guys who will promise to come over and watch Buffy and never do. And I have also met the others - the curious, the gentle, students, brokers, the health-conscious, and the ones we overlook. Seerclearly, clearly had an unsavory experience which has molded his perspective of gay culture and gay men in this city. 

I would tell seerclearly to choose his company wisely. We all have dark periods in our lives; whether we choose to admit it to ourselves or not, it’s true. Instead of judging others based on their life experience and their unhealthy habits, focus on the positive and move forward. The majority of folks I've encountered with substance abuse problems suffer from low self-esteem and come from a past of broken homes and shattered dreams. Who are any of us to judge? Supposedly we are here to help each other instead of criticizing a few guys for wanting to have sex after they get blitzed. That sounds to me like a privileged and arrogant, entitled attitude. The LGBT community has suffered enough at the hands of homophobes and unaccepting families. If you're simply not into the dude, be polite about it. There's no need for rudeness and attitude. Instead of hurting each other with our ignorance, why not reach out and be a source of good in the world?

Seerclearly goes on to say:

“These wounds turn into feelings in their adult lives they can't deal with, so they cover them with Meth and alcohol and maybe 420. And the connect/disconnect? I think it comes from the religious idea that there is one right person for each of us who is perfect, a form or earthly eternal salvation. So when these guys start dating, the moment they see something even slightly wrong in their mate, they bail.”

We all have ways of dealing with our problems. So what if you drink a beer or smoke a joint to mellow out? Big deal. The problem isn’t just the act of substance abuse, or that meth, cocaine and other drugs are used to suppress life’s pains or amplify the most joyous. The main problem is that people are suffering and are being overlooked. Of course we all want a perfect love life, yet be advised, leaving your house will expose you to the tired, the listless, and the nutty.

Seerclearly’s perspective is valid, because it is his. But it's not the only perspective. Generalizations created out of fear can limit what you allow yourself to experience. Howard Schultz said it best, “We must learn to lead through the lens of humanity.” We must continue to be honest, human and kind. How else can you expect to land the right guy?

Aquarian California native, Frankie Silverstein, 33, currently resides on the central west-coast, enjoys being a full time life enthusiast with a zest for the finer things in life which include positive thinking and manifesting a wonderful day each day. He is multilingual and fluent in Spanish and American Sign Language. Frankie's passions allow him to bridge the gap from community to community, whilst leading through the lens of humanity and holds a BA in Speech Communications from San Francisco State University. 

With a passion for writing and performing, Frankie uses his honed skills, psychic gifts and intuition to guide, communicate and connect with the people around him. 

The best advice he can give is, “Grow from light and always find truth within you. Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars and always aim with your heart." You can find Frankie on Twitter @SilversteinLife, Like page on Facebook: Frankie Silverstein and on Instagram @FrankieSilverstein. Frankie wishes you a blessed day!

Ask Eric Anything: My Friend Is Dating A Racist

By Eric Kehela

Eric Kehela enjoys being a full time life enthusiast with a zest for the finer things in life which include positive thinking and manifesting a wonderful day each day; he is multilingual and holds a BA in Speech Communications from San Francisco State University and is pursuing an MS in Professional Counseling.
With a passion for writing and performing, Eric uses his honed skills and intuition to guide, communicate and connect with the people around him. 

The best advice he can give is, “Grow from light and always find truth within you. Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars and always aim with your heart.”


Dear Eric,

One of my oldest and closest friends is dating someone new. The bad news is that this guy made some racist comments/jokes the first time we met and racism of any kind is simply a deal-breaker for me. My friend doesn’t excuse the comments but he claims he didn’t hear them.

When I told him that I didn’t think I could be cool with someone like that he told me I was overreacting and not to take it so seriously. To me there’s no such thing as taking racism too seriously and now in addition to being pissed off and disgusted by the guy who made the comments, I’m incredibly disappointed and angry at my friend to the point where I think I’m ready to walk away from a ten-year friendship over it.

Am I overreacting? I don’t think I am. I don’t think it would have been overreacting if I had punched the guy right in the face when it happened. And now I kind of regret that I didn’t. I'm mostly just venting but if you have some insight I'd love to hear it.

Sincerely, Frustrated Friend

Dear Frustrated,

Nothing turns anyone off more than negativity, racist remarks and the ignorance that perpetuates such nonsense. 

Remember that you aren't dating this guy, your friend is; therefore, tread lightly. You are entitled to your feelings; however you are responsible for your reaction and that which your nonverbal-communication can express. Are you not expressing something? Are you perhaps more in-like with your friend than you are letting on? Perhaps you have not come to terms with the fact that you are indeed falling in love with your friend. If this friend of yours has been in your life for so long, you should be used to his antics and personality by now. Therefore, are you attracted to him and this is the reason why you are sensitively reacting in this manner? As racist, intolerable and inexcusable comments are made every day, nationwide, globally: regardless of skin color, the land of origin or the planet one comes from, individuals are judged, yet it doesn't take away from the fact that we are each walking our path through life. Whilst others may mask insecurities with tasteless jokes, pointless banter, mindless chitchat and small-talk, you don't; ergo, don't make it personal, it isn't about you. 

Are these racist comments that bother you, a genuine reaction to an upset caused by your friend being with him and not with you? Is this secretly just an excuse for you to cope, because the presence of another guy with him bothers you? To thine own self be true. There's no one like you. 

If you answered yes, you need to effectively express yourself without allowing emotion to impede.

If you answered no, you still need to effectively express yourself without allowing emotion and personal ideals to get in the way of telling your friend that this guy maybe isn't the right one for him (his energy being a main-factor). Your friendship has longevity, he should trust and value your thoughts. If it matters to you, it matters.

Whether your friend chooses to regard or disregard such banter is his doing and not of your concern. Whom he surrounds himself by is his choice and not yours. Granted he is your dear friend, you must remember you aren't dating him; therefore, his proclivities should not be of your concern. 

The fact that you are sensitive to these matters - even if he's just your friend, only proves that you have evolved, whilst your friend chooses to regress and surround himself with those whom belittle others and degrade other cultures.Yes, you may still care about your friend, though your feelings do not entitle you to make a judgement-call on others' expression. 

Live and let live, don't toxify your psyche with individuals who have no regard for others. Even in jest, such comments should not be made, for they are abusive, bully-worthy, hurtful, ignorant and downright unnecessary. 

If your intuition is guiding you away from this long-term friend, honor that which you feel and move forward. People come into our lives for a reason and a season. When that reason and season are finished it is time to start fresh. You learned something valuable through this friend. If anything, be thankful that you rose above those who speak out of ignorance and lack of love. 

Being in tune only makes you a better you for you, and a better you for others - if you will. 

Thus, this is a new season and a reason to start anew.

Ask Eric Anything: Help! Unemployment Is Getting The Best Of Me

Eric Kehela enjoys being a full time life enthusiast with a zest for the finer things in life which include positive thinking and manifesting a wonderful day each day; he is multilingual and holds a BA in Speech Communications from San Francisco State University and is pursuing an MS in Professional Counseling. 

With a passion for writing and performing, Eric uses his honed skills and intuition to guide, communicate and connect with the people around him. 

The best advice he can give is, “Grow from light and always find truth within you. Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars and always aim with your heart.”

 Dear Eric,

I have been job hunting for almost a year with very little luck and the longer I'm unemployed, the more freaked out and depressed I get. I have less and less self-confidence every day and I'm finding that, on the rare occasions I do get called for an interview, my nervousness and insecurity gets the best of me. I'm a sweaty, incoherent mess and I can't seem to answer even the simplest questions. And every interview I flub makes me worse the next time. It's a vicious cycle and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Anonymous

Dearest Anonymous,

Before you begin your career-quest, you must first look within yourself and answer the most important question: What makes you happy? 

Do not look for a job praying not to get it. Self-defeating behavior and thought-forms can only perpetuate your current situation, thus keeping you from realizing and accomplishing your goals. 

Make a career move which allows the freedom to grow, whilst saving for your future. Do some web searching, revamp your resume and cover letter with examples provided, as you can always learn by example. 

Instead of visiting craigslist, search companies online that resonate most with your ideals, level of professionalism and apply; follow up within three days with a phone call. Use positive visualization to draw the perfect job towards you. Perhaps you need to reach beyond your comfort-zone and apply for a position a few miles away from home. If you are car-less, try using public transportation to assist you in your travels. 

Break through the barriers of doubt and frustration, overwhelming yourself by taking up more than you can handle can cause you stress and lead the perpetuation of the cycle you are in. Be confident not cocky; remember, attitude is everything and you must make yourself shine. 

Check out Starbucks Coffee (http://www.starbucks.com/career-center), they offer wonderful health-benefits for part time employees such as medical, dental, vision, 401k, stock options, tuition reimbursement, corporate discounts and a free pound of coffee or box of tea – a week. If changing the world, one cup at a time does not suit you; check out other Fortune 100 companies to work for (http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/best-companies/2013/list/?iid=bc_lp_toprr) as these always offer promise and room for growth. 

Only you can stop yourself from reaching your goals. Lastly, do not compromise your beliefs and ideals; focus on what you want and get it. Use your creativity and create a vision board with inspiring words and images evoking success.

Know you have the perfect job waiting for you; the perfect job is now manifest. And it is so! Remember my motto: “Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars, and always aim with your heart.”

Dust yourself off, and take flight! Now go get ‘em tiger!

Eric Kehela has worked as a life-coach and therapist and is currently pursuing a Master's degree in Professional Counseling. His goal is to make a difference and help others along the way. 

Ask Eric Anything: I Cheated. Now What?

Ask Eric Anything's Eric Kehela (left) enjoys being a full time life enthusiast with a zest for the finer things in life which include positive thinking and manifesting a wonderful day each day; he is multilingual and holds a BA in Speech Communications from San Francisco State University and is pursuing an MS in Professional Counseling. 

With a passion for writing and performing, Eric uses his honed skills and intuition to guide, communicate and connect with the people around him. 

The best advice he can give is, “Grow from light and always find truth within you. Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars and always aim with your heart.”

Dear Ask Eric Anything,

I recently reconnected with someone I knew and had feelings for years ago via Facebook (I'll call him John) and it has stirred up a lot of emotions within myself. I have a husband and we have been married for a long time but I just don't think I'm in love with him anymore. Our relationship is safe and comfortable but there's no passion and very little sex. I do have passionate feelings for John and I did end up cheating on my husband with him and the sex was very, very good. I feel like I'm trapped in my current relationship and want to get out but John says he will not consider dating me as long as I'm still with my husband. It might sound crazy but I literally cannot bring myself to make a decision about what to do. What is your advice?

Devastated in Denver

Dear Devastated in Denver,

Why ruin what you have and sever your connection by cheating?

Spice up your marriage and relationship by reinvigorating your connection to each other. You possess everything you require and desire in your marriage, so you have no reason to look elsewhere. Take a trip or a romantic tropical cruise for two to reignite the passion you share for each other.

It seems as though you checked out of your marriage without consulting your husband. Reevaluate your actions, choices, decisions and whom you affect in the process.

If you believe your marriage to be mainly rooted in passion and sex you are mistaken. A marriage is a partnership, relationship and a mutual love for one another, not a 365 day sex-escapade.

What your marriage lacks is communication, compassion and trust. Take the time to look within yourself and reflect on the marriage you are blessed with; you must know that although John may provide you with fun times, heat and perhaps laughter whilst rekindling the old-flame, you are indeed promised to another.

What you need to do is put John on hold and look at what you have in front of you: a husband who vowed to love you unconditionally. Remember why it is you fell in love with the man you have before you, and why you said, “I do.” If you put the same excitement, effort and passion into your marriage you will get what you put-out (pun-intended). It would be best for you to communicate effectively without using pronouns as I or you in reference to casting blame. Speak from your heart not your head, as logic and love do not mix well. Your husband picked you as you did him, so be a man, and take-care of your best friend; as cliché as it sounds, it does take two.

Closing your heart to your husband is the cause of you feeling trapped in your marriage, thus causing the desire to escape. If you open up to your husband-–tears and all, and listen to him and how he feels, you may end up having the best sex that night! Be honest, open and sincere. Do not use superficial and antagonistic approaches which only serve the ego. Sit silently without thinking about anything, and just look into his eyes with your heart. Feel his love for you; see how you are golden in his eyes, true love never dies. Appreciate him and tell him you do.

As for John, you need to release him and honor your current marriage. Only you can decide what is best for you; however, be mindful of this very important question: Can John guarantee you years to come? Honor your marriage and your marriage will honor you.

WERQ! Career Advice for Gay Men

Consider it Your Autobiography and NOT Your Resume - Make it a Best Seller!

By Simon O'Mahony

Most people dread the idea of having to write a resume. You have very limited opportunity to capture and hold a reader’s attention, so your resume has to be both informative but also compelling so as you stand out from your competition. The best examples of both informative and compelling resumes are made up of five key components. Follow these while writing your one page autobiography and you are guaranteed to have a resume that will grab readers’ attention and compel them to take a second look.

*The Beginning
The ‘Objective’ should not be generic and boring. This is your opportunity to shine. Consider it a quick summary of you. Use this opportunity to sell yourself using dynamic and action oriented words. Include your major accomplishments, education, and your personal traits. It’s all about you!

*List your Accomplishments
What are your major accomplishments? What are the highlights of your career? Once you determine these, it is time to make them shine. Include 5 or 6 bullet points of your top professional achievements. Don’t bore people with a job description but compel them with your achievements and quantify when possible, e.g. increased sales by 24% in 2012.

*Highlight your relevant areas of expertise
If responding to an ad, carefully examine what the employer is looking for, and try to determine what the hiring manager will be looking for as they review resumes. You should tailor your resume for every position you are applying to.

*Highlight your academic career
This is especially important if you are a recent graduate. Include any relevant coursework, internship/externship experience, volunteer experience, awards etc.

*Outline your work experience
In the sections that outlined your professional accomplishments and areas of expertise, you detailed the reasons why you're a great fit for the position. In this section, you'll provide the "who, when, and where" of your past experience. You can order this section chronologically, or sort past jobs by category -- whichever method best emphasizes your strengths.

Again, think of it as your autobiography. Go shine, and talk about YOU!

Originally from Dublin, Ireland, Simon is responsible for hiring management positions for Sage Hospitality nationwide and for their corporate office in downtown Denver. He is also involved in overall recruiting initiatives including college recruiting programs, diversity initiatives, and employer branding. Simon works with several local and nationwide agencies, colleges, universities, in order to build a network and pipeline of candidates. In 2009 he was the recipient of the Sage Innovation Award as a result of his use of social media networking to enhance the recruiting process.

When he is not recruiting, (Recruiters are always working!) Simon enjoys Colorado’s beautiful outdoors. He also has a passion for photography and while it sounds like a cliché he loves meeting new people (which is why he probably loves recruiting!). Simon is a supporter of several non-profit organizations in Denver. 
 

Simon can be reached at Simon.OMahony@SageHospitality.com.

Ask Eric Anything: I Think I'm Addicted to Porn

By Eric Kehela

Ask Eric Anything's Eric Kehela enjoys being a full time life enthusiast with a zest for the finer things in life which include positive thinking and manifesting a wonderful day each day; he is multilingual and holds a BA in Speech Communications from San Francisco State University and is pursuing an MS in Professional Counseling. 

With a passion for writing and performing, Eric uses his honed skills and intuition to guide, communicate and connect with the people around him. 

The best advice he can give is, “Grow from light and always find truth within you. Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars and always aim with your heart.”

Dear Eric,

This is kind of embarrassing but I think I am addicted to porn. I watch it every day. I have little to no interest in physical relations with anybody else at this point. The thing is, I'm not sure if this is a problem or not because I feel like I am more satisfied with watching porn than I ever have been with the actual act with other people. Sex with other people can be awkward, messy or boring but porn is just about perfect every time. The only problem is that I have this nagging feeling that I should be trying to put more effort into my real life relationships. What do you think? I'd also like to know if any of your readers have this same issue?

Sincerely,
Pornaholic

Dear Pornaholic,

You must first ask yourself what it is you really want for yourself. Pornography, although useful (if you will) is not comparable to real-life intimacy. 

Do not make excuses for your lack of interest in another, or yourself for that matter. With the right partner, sex can be wonderful and full of pleasure.  Anonymous sex, although fun at the moment, does not suffice for the completion and fulfillment of spirit and self. There is no need to deem sex awkward with others, although you should be wise with your decisions. 

Why settle for the taxi, when you can take the jet? 

Interact with men who value your personality and respect your body.  A great partner possesses patience and passion when intimate. It is best if you disassociate yourself from the quick-fix scene, and start anew in your reality.  If sex is too messy or boring, you need to reevaluate your choices, and those you invite into your energy.  Whilst your undertone is laden with fear of intimacy, you must open your heart and be honest with what you know you deserve, and I am sure you deserve the best.   

Remember, visual stimulation can be helpful and assistive as long as you don’t get sucked into the virtual realm of smut and loneliness. In ancient times, sex was viewed as a means to release creative energy.  It is best to harness your energy and release when you need to, as you could be draining yourself of all desire and creative flow. Try releasing to imagery or your own fantasy – if you will, become one with your body once again and thus you train your stimuli to become more receptive to you and not what you watch.   

For now, focus on repairing your stimuli. Then go out and put effort into meeting the right person who will give you more pleasure than any porn ever has.  Be confident and cool, as you have nothing to fear, the right man will present himself at the right time. Focus on you and everything else will fall into place.   

P.S. We all watch porn. It is normal after all!

 Eric Kehela has worked as a life-coach and therapist and is currently pursuing a Master's degree in Professional Counseling. His goal is to make a difference and help others along the way.

Ask Eric Anything: Why are my friends so hateful and negative?

By Eric Kehela

Ask Eric Anything's Eric Kehela enjoys being a full time life enthusiast with a zest for the finer things in life which include positive thinking and manifesting a wonderful day each day.

With a passion for writing and performing, Eric uses his honed skills and intuition to guide, communicate and connect with the people around him. 

The best advice he can give is, “Grow from light and always find truth within you. Reach for the galaxies, shoot beyond the stars and always aim with your heart.”

Dear Eric,
Lately I have noticed in my group of friends that they are always saying something hateful about other groups or people - women or minorities or Republicans or religious groups - and playing it off like they are jokes but it's really bothering me. They are not bad people so I don't want to not be around them ever again but I am surprised that there is so much negativity going around. I want to bring it up but I don't want to be an asshole about it. I would appreciate your advice.


Sincerely, Tired of the Hate and Negativity

Dear Tired of the Hate and Negativity,

The best thing you can do is follow your heart and trust your instinct.

Reevaluate your friendships and ponder the reasons as to why you have these individuals in your life. You must remember that people will come and go from your life, be it by your choice or theirs, so take hold of the reins and be in control of those you want in your reality. As the old saying goes, “you are who your friends are, so choose them wisely.”

I recommend finding yourself a new group of friends. However, if you choose to hold on to these, communicate your thoughts articulately with eloquence and class. If your group truly values you, they may be receptive to changing their perception of others. They may need to dig a little deeper to evaluate themselves before speaking in jest of others.

The Universe could also be telling you that it’s time to move on and find a new group of friends. All it takes is some independent time and you will find your newfound-self. Go out and conquer the world with your positive energy, as you are a ripple in the Universe's ocean!

You mustn’t allow yourself to be in an environment which is toxic to your energy as it only prevents you from evolving.  Step up to the plate and be the best person you can be – for you!

Eric Kehela has worked as a life-coach and therapist and is currently pursuing a Master's degree  in Professional Counseling. His goal is to make a difference and help others along the way.

WERQ! Career Advice for Gay Men

Simon O'Mahony

by Simon O'Mahony, the Undercover Recruiter

 

There are three things you need to know this week if you are a Denver-area job seeker. And in the interest of keeping things short and sweet, here they are:

1. Awesome information from LinkedIn about finding out the true reach of your network. Did you know a professional network like LinkedIn can give you access to a million professionals - and who knows how many more opportunities - through your 2nd and 3rd degrees, even when you have only 100 connections?

2. Explore new career opportunities with Sage Hospitality. According to Sage Hospitality, "To deliver the type of outstanding experience we aim to provide our guests, we need remarkable individuals who are passionate and committed to making a difference." If this sounds like you, then explore the career positions that Sage Hospitality has to offer. Among the openings are one for General Manager for the JW Marriott Denver Cherry Creek.

3. Denver After Work is a business and social networking event company. The events are created for professionals who want to expand their network, create new business opportunities, and mingle with other professionals. The events range in size from 200-600 professionals and take place in Denver's best bars, nightclubs, and hotels.

Simon O’Mahony, originally from Dublin, Ireland, was personally recruited by Sage Hospitality and joined the organization as a Corporate Recruiter in 2006. In 2009, Simon was promoted into the role of Talent Acquisition Manager for Sage Hospitality and Sage Restaurant Group. Simon is responsible for hiring management positions for Sage Hospitality nationwide and for their corporate office in downtown Denver. He is also involved in overall recruiting initiatives including college recruiting programs, diversity initiatives, and employer branding. Simon works with several local and nationwide agencies, colleges, universities, in order to build a network and pipeline of candidates. In 2009 he was the recipient of the Sage Innovation Award as a result of his use of social media networking to enhance the recruiting process.

When he is not recruiting, (Recruiters are always working!) Simon enjoys Colorado’s beautiful outdoors. He also has a passion for photography and while it sounds like a cliché he loves meeting new people (which is why he probably loves recruiting!). Simon is a supporter of several non-profit organizations in Denver.

Simon can be reached at Simon.OMahony@SageHospitality.com.

Ask Eric Anything: I Want A New Life

By Eric Kehela

Dear Eric, I want to start my life over from scratch. I want a new job, a new place to live, and new friends and romantic interests but I feel stuck. How can I sever the ties of my old life and start the new one that I want? Everything is just old and stale to me and I want and need new experiences and I need them ASAP.

Thanks, B.

Dearest B,

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.” Jawaharlal Nehru - Former Prime Minister of India

The best thing I can advise you to do is first identify what you really desire to make your heart sing, then act upon it and indeed change your scenery.

Finding the right place isn't a matter of throwing darts at a map while blindfolded, as the universe and its infinite wisdom is telling you that your energy and setting are stagnant and require a much needed change, as something in your life (or everything) may be lacking growth.

It is important to listen to what your inner heart-instinct dictates; similarly, as the birds fly for warmth in the winter, so must you heed your own red-flags especially if you are feeling stuck. If you are sincerely ready for a change of vista, look online (Google, prideroommates.com, craigslist.org, etc.), visit your local library or bookstore for resources to facilitate in finding a destination of your preference. Research the places and things which can bring you joy and success in all you do, as it is best to be informed and prepared. Spontaneity can be fun, however, you must ensure that your happiness is life-long and not a temporary form of instant satisfaction and gratification; therefore, choose your destination wisely and behave accordingly.

If your present scenery is numbing, new avenues may be just what you need whether it's a view of the ocean or the experience and closeness a small town has to offer.

Once you know where you’d like to be, start looking online for an opportunity in career advancement; find the companies you would like to work for and apply through the careers section of the web-page.

Be determined and motivated to embark on your new adventure. This will ensure a beautiful and successful life with your well-being in consideration. Creating a new reality can fulfill your desire for change and you will benefit from a new found identity and a fresh outlook - something which always brings the benefits of meeting new people, a romantic interest or both.

For your life to be a success you must bask in your present and feel fulfilled every step-of the way.

Keep in touch with any family you may have a heart-to-heart connection to (if applicable), as it is always nice to have someone to talk to and confide in – even if from afar. Your friends or acquaintances will wish you the very best. Life goes on and so must you.

Establish yourself as you see fit in the new reality of your choosing. Also, this fresh start isn’t just for your corporeal reality; it is an opportunity for you to surround yourself in positivity and only that which resonates with you.

Go out and conquer your reality and make every moment in your life full of happiness and satisfaction. If you are running away from something, be prepared to face the consequences of your actions and decisions; your time away in your new start will allow you to have enough time to reflect on anything which wasn’t conducive to your own evolution as a being of love and creation. Others may advise you to take a long vacation, yet the idea of coming back to what you want to leave behind can prove less than useful.

Make the best of your time and enjoy your life. Good luck on your endeavors and may your path be open and abundant!

Eric Kehela has worked as a life-coach and therapist and is currently pursuing a Master's degree  in Professional Counseling. His goal is to make a difference and help others along the way.

WERQ! Career Advice for Gay Men

Lights, Camera, Action … Get ready, your next job interview might be on Skype! 

by Simon O'Mahony, the Undercover Recruiter

In an effort to save time and money a lot of companies are now turning to video-chat software to interview job candidates. Like everything else, practice makes perfect. Getting past camera shyness and not speaking face to face can be a challenge but here are some tips on how you should handle a Skype interview.

Look into the camera, not at your screen 
This takes practice. Natural instinct is to look at the screen but by not looking into the camera if gives the impression that you are not making eye contact with the interviewer.

Get rid of interruptions and distractions
Since you will be probably doing your interview from the comfort of your home, be aware of interruptions. As with an in-person interview, turn off your cell phone, make sure you dog is not barking in the background, make sure loud music is not playing in the next room, and be sure to let roommates or family members know that you are conducting an interview so they don’t barge in on you.

Background Check
Your background surroundings can say a lot about you. If possible shoot your camera against a blank wall, and make sure you clear off your desk. Remove clutter, coffee cups etc.
 
Dress for Success
Treat this like an in-person interview. Be professional, properly groomed, clean and simple. Do not take the risk of putting on a shirt and tie and wearing shorts or pajama bottoms and thinking the camera won't see it. Too many things can go wrong!

Conduct a Mock Interview
Ask a friend or family member to conduct a mock interview via Skype and record it. This gives you the opportunity to get comfortable with the technology, to check your connections and camera, and also allows you to see how you look and sound on camera. Another idea is to practice in front of a mirror as this not only helps you with the content of your message but will familiarize you with how you sound and how you look.

Get to know proper Web Cam Etiquette 
You do not want to sit too close to the camera. However, you do want to lean in and sit forward. This will allow interviewers to clearly read your facial expressions. Again, look at the camera, and not the screen. Put your hands where you can see them so the interviewer can read your body language and other non-verbal cues. Add extra enthusiasm and keep your answers clear, concise and to the point.



Congratulations, you've nailed your Skype interview!

Next Week: Did you know that over 70% of jobs are found through networking? Watch out for next week’s column about getting the most of networking. 

Simon O’Mahony, originally from Dublin, Ireland, was personally recruited by Sage Hospitality and joined the organization as a Corporate Recruiter in 2006. In 2009, Simon was promoted into the role of Talent Acquisition Manager for Sage Hospitality and Sage Restaurant Group. Simon is responsible for hiring management positions for Sage Hospitality nationwide and for their corporate office in downtown Denver. He is also involved in overall recruiting initiatives including college recruiting programs, diversity initiatives, and employer branding. Simon works with several local and nationwide agencies, colleges, universities, in order to build a network and pipeline of candidates. In 2009 he was the recipient of the Sage Innovation Award as a result of his use of social media networking to enhance the recruiting process.

When he is not recruiting, (Recruiters are always working!) Simon enjoys Colorado’s beautiful outdoors. He also has a passion for photography and while it sounds like a cliché he loves meeting new people (which is why he probably loves recruiting!). Simon is a supporter of several non-profit organizations in Denver.

Simon can be reached at Simon.OMahony@SageHospitality.com.

Ask Eric Anything: My off-and-on boyfriend doesn't take me around his friends

Dear Eric,
I've been seeing a guy off and on for a couple of  years now and I am ready for him to make a commitment and I think he is too but I have a problem where he will either hang out with me or he will hang out with his friends but never both together. I thought maybe his friends didn't like me but they have told me that is not the case and that they do like me. I have tried to bring up the issue to my guy but he just kind of shrugs it off and we're back where we started. Should I just let it go or is there something weird going on? (I have a feeling something weird's going on). Thanks!

Signed, Fearing Weird

Dear Fearing Weird,

Fret not, first of all, being on-and-off for two years isn’t a steady-stable relationship. Define what you have and understand where his mind is. Take into account any life-altering decisions you have made which may be a factor into your relationship. If you have a commitment and you feel it in your heart that this relationship is solid enough for you to make improvements, then get ready and take the reins.

If indeed you and his friends get along, go ahead and make plans with them. Live your life as it suits you best and don’t live in fear of his disapproval. In time when his friends ask him out, he’ll be surprised and happy to see you there! Don’t make it awkward and don’t play mind games.

Also, enjoy the world of yours he initially fell in love with. Continue your regular routines and activities. Be the best you that you can be and he will see you differently, in a more positive light, and get a less needy, I-need-to-be-with-you vibe.

Your instincts and your heart will never let you down if you listen. Go with what feels right, maybe he needs space or is going through something.

The key to any successful relationship is communication. Communicate what you want and you will have it. Also, if you want to jumpstart things a bit, start this new year with a new perspective and introduce the concept of courting to pave the way for a more solid foundation. Do something special and romantic, get him flowers and a card and have a night out on the town for two. Tell him how much you appreciate him and the relationship. Be sure to tell - not ask - him that you want to solidify your relationship and open up a new world of being together and socially active together. Don’t imply that you need to be together 24/7 but let him know that you are serious and deserve to be a part of his life. Remember there is someone for everyone and there is someone for you. You deserve to be loved!

Wanna know more about the trans community? Ask Matt!

Interested in finding out about various aspects of transpeople's lives and issues?

My friend Matt Kailey is currently running a marathon of 'Ask Matt' columns on his blog Tranifesto.com. 'Ask Matt' is a recurring feature that is a support/advice feature for transpeople who write in with questions or concerns that are addressed by Matt and commented and expanded on by his readers.

A former teacher and social worker with 18 years of experience working with diverse populations, Kailey transitioned 13 years ago and has worked as an activist and advocate for the trans community ever since. He is the award-winning author of several books and essays and editor of Out Front Colorado.

Got a question? Hunch has an answer

Launched mere weeks ago, Hunch.com is the answer our questioning souls have been searching for.

Whether you’re pondering switching jobs or genders, the new tool will produce calculated advice tailored explicitly for you. Users enter any question, and after answering up to ten personal, sometimes quirky, questions based on their preferences, Hunch provides an informed solution.