Not everyone is outgoing, outrageous and fearless – you know – those people we all envy. They walk into a room and the whole vibe of the room changes. The energy is catapulted up a couple of notches as they work the room with finesse and ease.
For those who fall into the ranks of “the rest of us” — well, let’s just say, most of us — tend to make less of an entrance. Instead of sweeping into the room, pausing for effect, and making heads turn, we slip inside unobtrusively, perhaps tugging at our clothes with regret about our choice of outfit for the night. Most of us enter the venue hoping to see at least one face among the crowd that shows a slight sign of recognition, or even a flicker of interest, as we squirm self-consciously in our seemingly “bad” outfit.
What do the outgoing, outrageous and fearless have that the “rest of us” don’t?
It’s self-confidence.
Building self-confidence is a process that whole books are written about by people with a Ph.D., M.S.W, M.S. or M.W. (By the way, what-the-heck is a M.S.W. or M.W., anyway?)
Who has time to read an entire book? You have an important event tomorrow night! You don’t have time to read the epic and highly entertaining “100 Steps to Being Self-Confident in 30-days.”
My hope is to put confidence in your hip pocket to take with you, wherever life takes you, and let it be a starting point to see how believing in yourself can transform into confidence. Here are some guidelines.
1. Be Prepared. Whatever the event, be prepared. Know where you’re going, know the time of the event, know the dress code and what the event will entail.
2. Pick out Your Clothes Ahead of Time. Don’t wait until the last minute to plan what to wear. Pick out something that you have felt empowered in when wearing it in the past.
3. Add a Fun Accessory to your Look. I love to add something to my outfit that will be noticed. Noticed in a good way. You’re looking for something interesting that will spark a conversation with others. My favorite hat, for instance, always gets noticed.
4. Say Positive Affirmations to Yourself. Write down a list of positive affirmations about yourself. Keep it close at hand. Read over it several times a day, and especially whenever you catch yourself experiencing negative self-talk. “I am interesting!” “I am a great friend!” “I am an excellent bowler!” Whatever it takes.
5. Catch Up on Current Events. You want to have some “go to” topics to discuss in idle conversation. You’re not only confident—you’re interesting!
6. Act with Confidence at the Event. If attending by yourself, enter the room with confidence, head up, eyes forward and with a nice smile on your face. Look for someone you know. If all else fails, give a wave to the back of the room. Everyone will assume you know someone in the back, or better than that, maybe a waiter will bring you a glass of Chardonnay! Work the room—don’t be afraid to mingle. Everyone will notice your cool purse or your silk tie. Make eye contact as you talk with people. Speak slowly and confidently.
7. Notice Others. Remember everyone got ready for the event just like you, probably feeling good about themselves, like you. Compliment others on their attire or accessories. This will open up a conversation.
8. Reflect. Once you are home, reflect on the evening. Make a note card of all the positive things that happened in the evenings. How you used these tips to build confidence. Keep the card in your desk to look back on for your next event. It will remind you of your confident self and put that negative talk in its place.
I don’t think the actress, Vanessa Hudgens, has a Ph.D., but I did enjoy her quote, “Confidence is key. Sometimes, you need to look like you’re confident even when you’re not.”
I hope these ideas boost your confidence and make for a memorable evening, with lots of good things happening that you subsequently took note of. Some of these things will be what you learned from me—but most, I assure you, will be what you figured out on your own from the remarkable new confident you!
Note to Self: New Year’s Resolution #4 – “Read the latest epic Self-Help Book on Building Confidence.”
Charlee Brotherton is Founder and CEO of Pairings: Modern Introductions, an upscale, personal matchmaking firm serving selective single gay men in the Denver Metro Area.
