The Gay Vegans: Overwhelming grief

By Dan Hanley

On January 30th of this year our beloved Shadow passed away. I wrote about her life and had wonderful conversations with our readers about the loss I felt and the amazing gratitude I felt for having had the privilege of being part of her life.

Shadow lived a full 14 years before she met us. When we met her she had suffered neglect, but she was spry and loving. Our original deal was to foster her so I picked her up one day from a temporary situation and drove her to the vet for a checkup.

I will never forget her being in the passenger seat of my truck and once I stopped in the parking lot at the vets she walked onto my lap and gave me a big kiss. I said to her then not to do that as I was only fostering her.

Shadow

She knew better than that.

Shadow was 18 when she passed away. The sadness was hardcore. I took a half-day off of work, shared with friends and family about my sadness and sense of loss, and moved on.

So I thought.

What I truly love about this blog and the relationship I have built with those who read this blog and support it is that I have always been honest about what I write about and how I truly feel about the topic or the situation.

The grief I have is still incredibly strong. Sure, I smile, I go to work and rock it, I volunteer, I love on our companion animals, I make sure my husband knows how much I love and adore him. Yet in the quiet of the drive home, the still morning in my office before others arrive, reading in bed at night or swinging on the backyard hammock, the grief I feel for the loss of my Shadow is strong and feels like it will never pass.

Some days I still think Shadow is physically here. I here something in the bedroom and think it is her getting up to come join us. Or I turn the light on in the bedroom and immediately turn it off remembering that she is in there sleeping when in fact she's not. And so on.

I know the hardcore grief will pass. And I am way grateful to all of you for your love, support and stories of those you have lost.  I am also grateful to feel the love for another living being, and feel the pain that goes with not having them in my life anymore. The love I feel for this little 14 pound lovely is truly a gift.

Thank you for reading!

This post originally appeared on Dan Hanley's website The Gay Vegans. Republished with permission.