On being Asian on gay dating apps
“Asian men in the West are stereotyped as being effeminate. In gay culture, we’re assumed to be bottoms, to be submissive, to be easy. That translates onto the gay apps too: Sometimes people who message me will get angry if I don’t respond, as if they’re entitled to my time and desire if only because I’m Asian and they’re not.”
On the best way for gay men of color to navigate online spaces
“The best advice a friend gave me was to recognize my own value and affirm myself for who I am: I am loved and I am lovable, and it’s not my duty to educate others when they are being racist or discriminatory. As my friend Nick says in the No Filters video series, “The block function exists for a reason.” Instead of getting caught up in the sometimes-ugly nitty-gritty of chatting on gay apps, I focus on finding and meeting people who are open to seeing me for who I am, and not as some fulfillment of a two-dimensional stereotype-fantasy.”
On the importance of queer people of color’s perspective
“If we don’t see ourselves reflected in the stories being told around us, it’s hard for us to envision our own futures and work toward our liberation. So taking ownership of our experiences and working with fellow queer and trans people of color to tell our stories is a crucial step in building a shared community grounded in self-love and mutual recognition. It’s how we signal to each other — and to younger generations — that we are not alone and that we are worthy of being seen.”
