Now that we can get married, LGBTQ people see the need to talk about money with their partner. Why’s it hard to talk about money with your significant other and how can you overcome that?
Capital One found that 75% of Americans who have ever been in a serious relationship said setting financial goals with a partner is harder than going it alone. However, 63% prefer to manage household finances with a partner.
Let’s make talking about money easier.
Understand their money emotions
Before approaching a partner or spouse about money, understand that their feelings about money won’t mirror yours. Everyone carries baggage about how much money we earn, how much we have and what we can afford.
We tie our self-worth to our net worth and our income. If our net-worth or income is small or non-existent, we feel like we’re not contributing our fair share or that we’re a drag on the relationship.
Many of us grew up when it was bad to talk about money, suggesting that money is bad. We carry this belief into adulthood and pass it onto our children.
Approach the money talk with this understanding and empathy.
Blame Queer Money
To keep the conversation neutral, blame us. Tell your partner that you hear from us that couples should talk about money, that couples who manage their money together do better with their money.
If you bring up a recent incident with your financial situation or your current financial condition as the reason for this talk, your partner may not be receptive because they’re already upset.
Dream
When talking about money, focus first on the positive. People love dreaming and hoping for bigger and better things. Remember the last time you bought a lottery ticket? The best part was dreaming about what you’d do with your millions.
Start there. Share your biggest dreams. What is on your bucket lists? Where do you want to travel? If you could buy one thing regardless of cost, what would it be?
Beginning this way will start the conversation positively.
Talk about what you need to achieve your dreams
Once you’ve talked about your dreams, talk about what it will take to make them real. This exercise invites you to talk about what’s keeping you from your dreams.
Must you increase your incomes? Do you need to save more, spend less or invest more?
If approached properly, your partner will admit to or agree with the blockers keeping you from your dreams.
Figure out how to achieve your dreams
Finally, talk about what you’re willing to do to make your dreams come true. Even if you only work towards one dream, create a plan to move toward it. Start with small steps. As you progress and check-in with your partner, and then make bigger steps.
Talking about money shouldn’t be taboo or hard. As with marriage, the money conversation is new to us. That doesn’t mean we can’t do it.
