Debt Free Guys: How to Talk About Money with Your Partner

By David Auten and John Schneider, the Debt Free Guys

Now that we can get married, LGBTQ people see the need to talk about money with their partner. Why’s it hard to talk about money with your significant other and how can you overcome that?

Capital One found that 75% of Americans who have ever been in a serious relationship said setting financial goals with a partner is harder than going it alone. However, 63% prefer to manage household finances with a partner.

Let’s make talking about money easier.

Understand their money emotions

Before approaching a partner or spouse about money, understand that their feelings about money won’t mirror yours. Everyone carries baggage about how much money we earn, how much we have and what we can afford.

We tie our self-worth to our net worth and our income. If our net-worth or income is small or non-existent, we feel like we’re not contributing our fair share or that we’re a drag on the relationship.

Many of us grew up when it was bad to talk about money, suggesting that money is bad. We carry this belief into adulthood and pass it onto our children.

Approach the money talk with this understanding and empathy.

Blame Queer Money

To keep the conversation neutral, blame us. Tell your partner that you hear from us that couples should talk about money, that couples who manage their money together do better with their money.

If you bring up a recent incident with your financial situation or your current financial condition as the reason for this talk, your partner may not be receptive because they’re already upset.

Dream

When talking about money, focus first on the positive. People love dreaming and hoping for bigger and better things. Remember the last time you bought a lottery ticket? The best part was dreaming about what you’d do with your millions.

Start there. Share your biggest dreams. What is on your bucket lists? Where do you want to travel? If you could buy one thing regardless of cost, what would it be?

Beginning this way will start the conversation positively.

Talk about what you need to achieve your dreams

Once you’ve talked about your dreams, talk about what it will take to make them real. This exercise invites you to talk about what’s keeping you from your dreams.

Must you increase your incomes? Do you need to save more, spend less or invest more?

If approached properly, your partner will admit to or agree with the blockers keeping you from your dreams.

Figure out how to achieve your dreams

Finally, talk about what you’re willing to do to make your dreams come true. Even if you only work towards one dream, create a plan to move toward it. Start with small steps. As you progress and check-in with your partner, and then make bigger steps.

Talking about money shouldn’t be taboo or hard. As with marriage, the money conversation is new to us. That doesn’t mean we can’t do it.

Debt Free Guys: 4 Things That Are More Expensive Because You’re Queer and What to Do about Them

By John R. Schneider, III

The road of progress is never straight. The queer community has made much progress over the last few years. Even with as much progress as we have made, there are still 28 states in which sexual orientation and gender identity can be grounds for termination without recourse.

Add that some states are making it legal to deny their queer citizens basic services based on religious principles. While the argument has been dumbed down, it is about more than cakes and pizza.

Here are four things more expensive for the queer community and what we can do about them.

1. Having a Family  
According to the Human Rights Campaign, private agency adoptions can cost between $5,000 and $40,000. Many same-sex couples must pay for second adoptions, which costs an additional $2,000 and $3,000.

For queer couples who want biological children, the costs are higher, especially if they cannot bear children. Surrogacy can cost between $70,000 to $150,000 per child.

Be clear about what you want. Budget appropriately for expenses and add a 10 percent cushion. Find out if your employer and your health insurance will help cover you chosen option.

2. Long-Term Care
For many older queer people today, a family was not Plan A. Thus they must rely on themselves. The average annual cost for a basic nursing home is about $80,000, according to Genworth's 2015 Cost of Care Survey. This cost can eat up a lifetime of savings fast.

Because the Equality Act is still making its way through Congress, many long-term care facilities do not currently offer sexual orientation and gender identity protections. This limits the number of facilities to which queer people can go for our unique needs.

Ensure your long-term care facility of choice includes policies and training that meet your unique needs.

3. Career Advancement
While open discrimination wanes, soft discrimination remains. Someone who's not part of the "boys’ club" doesn't get the same time and attention of their boss as someone who is.

Neuroscientist and data analyst Vivienne Min did a study that showed gay white men in the U.K. must spend about $54,000 gaining more degrees and experience to keep up with their straight white male peers.

Look for anti-discrimination policies, LGBT ERGs and leadership diversity of companies to which you seek employment.

4. Housing
In some states, queer people can be refused housing because of our sexual orientation or gender identity. Living in more accepting places gives some of us a higher sense of security but usually at a cost.

With the risks of being refused housing, evicted or physically harmed, queer people in these states need larger emergency savings accounts.

It is incumbent for queer people to assess our situation and plan accordingly. Starting a family, choosing a career, planning for retirement and deciding where to live affects everyone. For queer people, such costs are higher and may be prohibitive to our wants and wishes.

Debt Free Guys: We're the Debt Free Guys and We're Your Neighbors

By John R. Schneider, III & David Auten

Fifteen years ago, the two of us met at the old Tracks. We were in our late-20s, early-30s and just entered our peak social years. We were liberated, as were many gay men in those days. The bullying of our high school days was far behind us.

As gay kids, we didn’t have the dating and social experiences at the same ages as our straight friends. While we may have pretended, even convinced ourselves, that we wanted girlfriends, those relationships were never going to end well. Dating during high school, while awkward for all, was uniquely awkward for us as gay kids.

Like many people, the two of us sought the validation we didn’t get in school as kids from stuff we couldn’t afford as adults. We bought new cars with six+ year terms and no down payments. We covered every square foot of our home with Pottery Barn furniture purchased at the Cherry Creek store with credit cards. We always had the newest Diesel clothes and latest phones even though we rarely had the cash to pay for them. We spent way more time at the gym than we ever did on a budget.

Despite having had thirteen years of combined experience in financial services when we met on that gay disco dance floor, we had over $51,000 of combined credit card debt. A year and a half later, we were living in a basement apartment in Capitol Hill and not living the life of our dreams. David nickel and dimed himself. John spent big. This combination proved to be a cocktail of financial failure and unhappiness.

When we realized the gravity of our financial situation, we ignored our debt like a drunk uncle, worried about it like Woody Allen, talked about it like Oprah and were overwhelmed by it like the Broncos in Super Bowl XLVIII. We ultimately gained the Michael Phelps-like focus that led to us becoming debt free.

As life-partners, we’re now debt free. As business partners, we’re The Debt Free Guys. We combine our personal and professional experiences with money to help others live debt free, have fun and be money conscious through our blog, books, public speaking and writing for publications and sites such as MileHighGayGuy.

We also host the Queer Money Show, which is a podcast and YouTube show. On Queer Money, we discuss the financial nuances of the queer community. Our mission is to build a financially stronger queer community, so that queer people can become leaders in the general community, continue our fight for equality and live our best lives.

Similarly, here on MileHighGayGuy.com, we’ll discuss investing, financial planning and all things money. We’ll mix the serious with the fun and always give you value that makes your investment with us worthwhile. We invite you to come back to our column regularly to be inspired to live a successful, money conscious life.

Travel: Five Tips For Staying Money Smart While On Holiday

By John Gower

There’s nothing more satisfying than taking a well-deserved vacation. Whether you’re traveling to beaches and sunshine or jet setting to skyscrapers and fine dining, getting away from it all is on the top of most of our ‘to do’ lists in the summertime.

However, just because you’ve got a week of carefree days on your mind doesn’t mean you’ve got a ton of money in your pocket. Even though going on holiday is all about escaping the stressors of everyday life for a few days, let’s face it: we all have to face the music when we get back. Nothing will tarnish the amazing memories you made on your vacation like a stack of bills you can’t pay, so it makes sense to be as money smart as possible while you’re enjoying your time off.

While being careful with your cash on holiday is an idea most people can get behind, many struggle with coming up with actual strategies to do so. If this sounds like you, take a look at the five tips below for keeping your spending in line while you’re enjoying your R&R:

Do Some Research Before You Go
Planning your activities ahead of time is a great way to keep your vacation spending in check; about a week or so before you head out, do a few Internet searches on the city you’re visiting to see what budget-friendly options are out there. Keep an eye out for free museum nights, outdoor concerts, and arts fests – these are all inexpensive and common events in most towns during the summer months. This is also a good opportunity to sketch out a simple itinerary so that you don’t miss out on anything you really want to do.

Set a Daily Budget for Incidentals … and Track Your Spending as You Go
One of the fastest ways to blow your vacation budget is to let all the incidentals that go along with traveling add up and get out of hand. A drink here, a magazine there, and pretty soon you’ve spent way more money than you intended to. The easiest way to avoid this is to set a daily limit for your spending on incidentals and keep track of your receipts to be sure you’re not overdoing it. This may sound like kind of a drag, but just adding up your spending at the end of each day can make a big difference in keeping your expenditures in line.

Prepare Your Own Meals and Snacks When Possible
When you’re away from home, one of the biggest budget-busters most people encounter is food and drinks. This is why it’s a good idea to prepare your own simple meals and snacks while you’re on vacation whenever you can. Of course, one of the pleasures of going on a trip is experiencing new cuisine and getting out of your normal routine, so eating in for every meal wouldn’t be much fun. But stopping at a local grocery store to pick up cereal to eat in your hotel room for breakfast will save you big bucks over the course of a week-long trip compared to eating out and won’t detract from your holiday experience. Making small changes like this really add up, so think about the little sacrifices you’re willing to concede to in order to keep your budget in line.

Use Public Transit Instead of Renting a Car
Whether at home or away, cars can be a serious money-suck. If the destination you’re traveling to has a public transit system, research it thoroughly and consider using it instead of renting a car. If you’re willing to brave a new city’s bus system, this strategy could save you hundreds of dollars.

Another bonus to using public transit over traveling by car is that it gives you a chance to more deeply explore the city you’re visiting and get insider tips from a few locals. Think about it before you balk at the idea of crowded subway cars and trolleys!

Look Into Daily Deal Sites
Most of us are pretty good about perusing daily deal sites for savings on spa treatments and restaurants in our hometowns, but have you ever thought about using these tools for cities you’re traveling to? If you scan daily deal sites for interesting discounts in the few weeks leading up to your trip, you could walk away with hundreds in savings. But be sure to think beyond restaurants and bars – look for discounted tickets to museums, plays, and other activities, too.

Saving money while on holiday doesn’t have to be a nuisance – use the tips above to enjoy a fun and frugal vacation!

John Gower is an analyst for NerdWallet, a personal finance website dedicated to helping you save money with financial tips on everything from travel to the best online broker.

Married gay, lesbian couples pay thousands more in taxes

Same-sex spouses sometimes pay thousands more in federal income taxes than their straight counterparts because the Defense of Marriage Act bars the IRS from recognizing their marriages. 

An analysis conducted for CNNMoney explains the many federal tax advantages not available to gay and lesbian married couples.

Wall Street firms plan summit on LGBT leadership

Top financial firms will participate in an LGBT leadership summit on March 30 in New York City. 

Among the expected attendees is Deutsche Bank CEO Seth Waugh; Kevin Jennings, a national assistant secretary of education; and Linda Riefler, head of global equity and fixed income research at Morgan Stanley.

Ease on down the road to financial security and independence with the Advocate Money Minute

The road to financial security and independence has to start somewhere. Creating a budget is that first step in gaining control and understanding of where your money goes and how to spend, save and invest wisely.

Tax tips for gay couples

Without the right preparation, gay couples can end up paying more than their fair share of taxes. The New York Times Bucks Blog has some important tax tips you'll want to check out before you get yours done this year.

Matter of fact, they've got a whole category of articles called 'What If You're Gay?'

How funny - and informative - is that?

LGBT poverty

Check out this report on poverty in the lesbian, gay, and bisexual community from the Williams Institute.

They could have just asked me

Newsflash! Not all gay people are rich.