I’m pro-choice, but in this case, I’m not talking about a woman’s right to choose. I’m talking about my right to choose, and my right not to be a victim of my birth.
I just finished watching a new indie gay and lesbian film that had an interesting premise, but I felt like I was back in the ’70s, with the word “homosexual” being thrown around all the time, even by the gay and lesbian characters, and this little gem coming from one of the young lesbian characters when talking to her father:
“I didn’t choose to be this way. I’ve always been this way. I’d be straight if I could. My life would be so much easier.”
I get really tired of this argument, which makes straight the default — and the desirable — way to be, and gay or lesbian the undesirable and unchosen way to be — a way that was forced on certain unfortunate people as a mistake of birth. After all, who wouldn’t want to be straight if they could?
Well, I happen to know hundreds of gay and lesbian people who wouldn’t want to be straight if they could. In fact, I’m not sure I know any who would want to be straight. I know some who would prefer not to have the hassles of being gay or lesbian. I know some who would prefer not to face the prejudice, discrimination, and outright hatred that comes from being gay or lesbian. But I can’t think of any who would want to be straight if they could. I’m sure they’re out there — they’re just getting harder and harder to find.
I realize that it’s a little different for trans people. I realize that there are many trans people who would prefer not to be trans. But I think that quite a few of those trans people, if given the “choice,” would choose to be born into the sex that matches their gender identity, not the gender identity that matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
So do these trans people really wish they weren’t trans? Or do they simply wish that they didn’t have to face the hassles, prejudice, discrimination, and outright hatred that comes with being trans?
Being trans, in and of itself, is not a curse. Neither is being gay or lesbian. It’s the society and the culture that decides whether such things are negative, positive, or neutral. If, as in some cultures, we were revered as powerful, knowledgeable, spiritual, and blessed human beings, would we wish that we weren’t trans? If our family was proud, if we were deemed as special — or even if we were just treated matter-of-factly — would we wish that we weren’t trans?
The “I didn’t choose to be this way” argument paints us as victims. It paints us as tragic figures with an external locus of control — life has done something to us. We have no control over it or over ourselves. We have no “choice.”
I understand the purpose of the argument, because, truly, none of us did choose to be transgender (or gay, lesbian, or bisexual). No one chooses to be straight or non-trans, either. But you don’t hear straight, non-trans people arguing that they didn’t choose to be that way. They don’t need this argument, because they have the power. We don’t. That power makes their particular existence the “right” way to be. We feel as though we have to make the “no choice” argument in order for those in power to accept us, to grant us our rights, and to quit killing us.
But I think there are better arguments — arguments about equality and dignity and human rights — that give us a stronger position and make us stronger as people. To say, “It wasn’t my choice” is to say, “I wouldn’t be this way if I could help it” — which is to say, “This is a bad way to be.”
But is it such a terrible way to be, or is it only terrible because of the way we are looked at and treated by society? Why is straight better? Why is non-trans better? We have been brainwashed into believing that this is so, and we have been brainwashed into believing that we are “less than,” so we have to come up with an argument that excuses our deficiency — and that argument is: “I didn’t choose.”
We come to the table as victims, we sit at the table as victims, and then we wonder why we have no power. It doesn’t matter whether I chose to be this way or not — what matters is that, by virtue of being a human being, I deserve the same rights as everyone else.
There’s nothing wrong with me (well, there’s nothing wrong with me that has to do with being trans). And guess what? I wouldn’t be non-trans if I could. Now tell me why that makes me less deserving than anyone else.
Let’s lose the argument and take back the power that is inherent in our humanness. Let’s forget about who did or who didn’t choose what and concentrate on what we all deserve by virtue of our shared humanity.
This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.
