It was the summer of 1995. I was single and living in Norfolk, VA. My summer tan was rocking and I was looking good. I was headed to Richmond for the weekend with a friend, and had to find something sexy to wear to the club. I am laughing hard while writing this as what I bought is something I would never wear now. I went with a pair of overalls but not your ordinary farmer guy overalls. These were overalls that were shorts, not long pants. Oh yeah, I was not messing around.
Off to Richmond we went. My outfit rocked. I felt sexy. So sexy that I didn't wear a tshirt underneath.So sexy.
It wasn't always that way.
I was 29 when I first wore a tank top in public. Just before that was the first time I would go shirtless at a beach. I would take my shirt off to swim, but if I wasn't swimming, I had the shirt on.
I was skinny. In the Navy guys would call me the Ethiopian poster child. When I got sober I weighed all of 138 pounds and was the same height I am today at 197 pounds (6'3"). Body shame was ingrained in every ounce of my being.
Little by little the my body shame went away. Once in a while it returns, but for just brief moments. The funny thing about that is one day I can feel good about my body and the very next day I can feel some type of negativity about my body. Of course overnight my body had not changed! I realized long ago that the way I feel about my body is probably the way I feel about myself as a person. If I can learn to love myself then I could probably become comfortable with my body.
These days I am very comfortable with my body. In the summer time I rarely wear a shirt, and I love driving home from work in summer afternoons shirtless and listening to dance music. I work out, swim and play racquetball but I do all of those things to be healthy, not so my body might look perfect to others.
I find sexiness in compassion. I find it in kindness. I can see a guy being loving to his girlfriend and find sexiness in that. It isn't always about the looks. Don't get me wrong, I think Adam Levine is very sexy, as well as a handful of other guys I have posted on Pinterest. You will notice that many of these guys are doing incredible things in this world, a big part of what makes them sexy.
I wanted to write this blog post to let those who struggle with body image know that I can totally relate, and that the person they are is much more important than the body they inhabit.
Thank you for reading.
This post originally appeared on Dan Hanley's website The Gay Vegans. Republished with permission.
