Things to do in Denver when you're gay: It's Just Social aka Jeff's Happy Hour

By Drew Wilson

There are a million and one things going on this weekend for Denver PrideFest 2012 - parties, concerts, parades, you name it - but the only Happy Hour endorsed by MileHighGayGuy.com is It's Just Social aka Jeff's Happy Hour, hosted by my pal Jeff Giadone and taking place Friday, June 15 at Interstate Kitchen and Bar from 5:30-8pm. 

It's a mellow alternative (or start) to the weekend's festivities and it's right in the heart of the Art District on Santa Fe who will be having they're Gay on Santa Fay event including my good friend Don Campbell's show The Male Form at his eponymously titled studio.

Would you like to know more? Here's what Jeff had to say about it. 

Jeff Giadone

Drew: For the people who don't know you, tell us a little bit about yourself.
I am a Colorado native and have lived in Denver for about 20 years. 

As a person who makes a living in sales, I enjoy people and one of the things I enjoy the most is bringing people together--whether it be over food or a beverage or both! 

I've been involved in the community for many years through Project Angel Heart and HRC.  I've met a lot of great people and enjoy meeting new ones! Many of my friends will call and ask me "do you know so and so" and chances are that I do or I will at some point! 

I enjoy life to the fullest and live by the motto "I'll try anything once and will do it twice if I like it!"

Now tell me a little bit about your happy hour social fun time. Who is they for? How is it different from other happy hours?
It's Just Social was formed about a year and a half ago by a friend of mine and me.  We found that most people fell out of touch as there wasn't a Happy Hour place that catered to a more professional demographic for both men and women primarily over the age of 35. We pulled together both of our contact lists and sent out emails saying this is a Happy Hour to come and see old friends, meet new ones and there is no agenda.  No organization is going to be asking for money, donations, support--just a good ol' fashioned cocktail party.  We decided that a once a month gathering would suffice so we set it for the third Friday of each month.  The location must be gay friendly, easy access and one that can hold over 75 people.  Each time, we have averaged about 75 to 100 people--both men and women in the Community.  It's often been referred to as Jeff's Happy Hour--being the organizer and all!  It makes me proud to live in Denver and do what I do!

What makes us different is that we're just bringing people together--no agenda. A casual atmosphere to make people feel welcome and for those who are new to town--and it seems that there are a lot more--a chance to make new friends!

What is your favorite cocktail? How many cocktails does it take to get you drunk?
 My favorite cocktail is a Ketel and Soda with double lime squeeze...that's a personal question as to how many...but I would say a few and always ask ourselves the question:  Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

Why should readers of MileHighGayGuy.com come on down and check out It's Just Social aka Jeff's Happy Hour?
Readers should come down and check it out as it's a fun and casual atmosphere, chances are you'll know many of the people, its an opportunity to support a local business that supports our community and there are nice looking people with no pretense!  Who knows--you may meet your future boyfriend/girlfriend or partner here--it's happened before at this event!

Margaret Cho: The Hardest Working Woman in Show Business Brings Her New Tour to Denver!

By Drew Wilson

Margaret Cho returns to Denver with her new Mother Tour on October 18 at the Paramount Theater. In addition to the tour, Cho is also currently starring in the new season of Drop Dead Diva as Terri Lee as well as a new web-series called In Transition where she plays a woman recently released from prison. But wait, there's more! The hardest working woman in show bidness also has a podcast called Monsters of Talk and in her spare time serves as the go-to guest-host on The View. 

I had a chance to chat with Ms. Cho recently and we talked about all of the above in addition to much, much more.

Drew: Hey Margaret, you've got a ton of stuff going on so let's just run right on down the list. The new season of Drop Dead Diva started not too long ago, are you still enjoying that gig after all this time?

Margaret: Yeah, it’s been about five seasons and it’s very cool to be able to go back and play a character after all this time. You really learn who this person is and it’s very interesting.

What do you find interesting about your character?

I think she’s interestingly different, she’s fun and strong. I personally have never worked in an office but I feel like I have worked vicariously through her. She’s cool she’s really like the boss of everybody. She controls everything and calls the shots even though she’s not the boss she is a boss!

You're also doing a web-series called 'In Transition'. What can you tell me about that? 

It's something I wanted to do with all my friends. I wanted to do this thing where it was easy and I could just hang out with people I enjoy and don’t get to see enough. A lot of them are from The Cho Show,which was my reality show years ago on VH1, and we just kind of made the series so we could have fun together and also it’s funny and cool.

It's also kind of timely with this Orange Is The New Black, prison-chic kind of moment in entertainment. Are you watching that?

I haven’t seen it but I loved the book. I’m saving it and planning to watch the whole season all at once. I actually prefer to watch TV like that and I think a lot of people do it nowadays. We just wait and watch the whole thing at one time, which is fun.

Just hang up the Do Not Disturb sign and disappear for a weekend?

Yeah! So cool.

I just found out that you have a podcast and I happen to be in the market for some new podcasts to listen to. I will be subscribing directly after this interview.

Oh good! It’s really great, it's called Monsters of Talk and it's all different people we interview. Recently we had Lady Bunny and Exene Cervenka. We went to a furry convention which was cool. It runs the gamut of entertainment and social stuff and people I run across. My co-host Jim Short it really funny. So we just go everywhere and interview really cool people.

Margaret, how is it you’ve got like 25 jobs and some people ain't got any? Seriously, I know a lot of people who are unemployed or underemployed and it seems like you are someone with some serious insight into how to find work. How do you do it?

I think the key is to start doing a job before you get paid for doing it. Find out what you really love doing. I spent a little bit of time doing comedy before I got paid for it and then when I got paid for it became a different thing. But I think with anything, there’s an investment in time where you have to make it more about the journey and the work and then generally you get compensated after. It can’t be like; oh, I want to be rich. I don’t think it ever works that way. It’s more like deciding 'I want to do this particular job' and then finding out all the ways you can do it. And then just do it.

I know you were lobbying for one of the recently vacated seats on The View. I would have loved to see you nab a permanent spot!

You know nothing is ever for sure and I’m definitely their temp at the moment. I’m kind of on call for that. It’s a great thing, to go on that show. I say that I wanted to be on it so much that I dressed up as Catwoman like Sean Young years ago when she wanted to be in Batman. It was funny. It’s a really great thing to be able to do it whenever they ask me. I’d love that job permanently.

The Mother Tour comes to Denver October 18. Speaking on behalf of longtime fans, is there anything left that we haven’t heard about your mother?

I think that there’s a lot of things left to joke about with her. There’s also a lot to do with my own kind of struggles with aging and my own idea about how old I am and how everybody kind of looks at me as a mother figure. 

There’s a period when you’re a woman in your 40s that everybody assumes you’re a mom and that’s kind of an identity for me as well. 

I have people who call me 'mother' as well so there are a lot of different meanings to the name.

As a longtime LGBT advocate and member of the community, what are your thoughts all of the recent changes and gains in terms of LGBT rights?

I don’t know exactly because it’s just so different all over. I live in Georgia sometimes and I travel all over and I wonder what does it all means for some of the more conservative states. I’m waiting to see how it plays out. I don’t understand exactly how something like marriage is going to work since it’s not legal everywhere. It’s definitely exciting. I’m curious about how it’s going to affect everybody, federal or state-to-state, what does it all mean? It’s an exciting time.

I’ve talked to you many times over the years and what always strikes me is how different your public persona is from your personality in these interviews. You're so bombastic on stage but kind of quiet and soft-spoken in person and in interviews as opposed to, say Kathy Griffin or Joe Rogan who seem, and I could be wrong, the same onstage as they do in their personal lives. Do you see yourself in those terms?

I definitely know that I’ve had to develop a stronger presence as a performer. When I started comedy I was so young and it seemed to be an insurmountable thing. Succeeding at comedy seemed like such a big task that I had to, um, be a sort of like, very strong, very forceful performer. It’s not that I act different, it’s just sort of that being on stage requires that iron will a bit. You just get very strong and unrelenting. I don’t know if it’s a different persona or anything, I’m not sure.

I posted on my Facebook that I was going to be interviewing you and I asked my friends if they had any questions they wanted to ask you. Author Michael Thomas Ford wanted me to ask you if

you think the platypus is an example of intelligent design or a failure of Coco Chanels’ warning to remove one accessory before leaving the house.

(Laughs) Well, intelligent design is not so intelligent all the time so it would probably be answer 'B', Coco Chanel.

And finally, what message do you have for readers of MileHighGayGuy and why should they come see the Mother Tour?

Well, I haven’t been there much recently so this will be exciting for me to come back and hang out. Also, your lungs are stronger than most because of all that altitude so I think that you’ve all got to come out and really laugh it up and show off that lung power. I think that would be amazing.

Margaret Cho’s new standup comedy show MOTHER is a complicated and completely original take on sex, queer politics, drugs, guns, identity and madness, proving time and time again, boundaries uncrossed are meaningless. Nothing is sacred, least of all, this MOTHER. Click here for tickets.

Tomfoolery Abounds With the Play Mile High LGBT Skeeball League at Barker Lounge

By Drew Wilson

Great news if your New Year's resolution was to have more fun in 2015; Play Mile High is offering a LGBT Skeeball League in January at Barker Lounge. Yup, skeeball! The silly but addictive carnival game you loved as a kid is back and better than ever thanks to the magic of teams and cocktails! I spoke with Elliot Jeffords, director of Play Mile High, to find out more about the company, the league, and socializing in the Mile High City. 

Elliot Jeffords

Drew: Being director of something called Play Mile High sounds like the worlds funnest job, Elliot. How did you get involved with the company?

Elliot: I went to college in Washington, D.C. and I was doing a summer internship and got connected with Giovanni (Marcantoni, Founder & CEO) who was starting the Baltimore Bocce League. He wanted to expand to D.C. and that grew and we added skeeball in the winter in Baltimore and from there it just took off to different cities and we added more and more sports and activities.

Denver must be an excellent market for you guys. We’re always being voted Most Active City this and Most Social City that.

Yeah, it takes a while to build brand awareness but we had a really big initial boom and now we’re looking to expand on that. We’re not just a sports league. We like to think of ourselves as a lifestyle brand. You may play basketball or volleyball at the beginning of the week and then maybe a silly dodgeball or skeeball type league in the second half of the week and then we have social events a couple of times a month; pub crawls or ski trips or anything like that. We’re working really hard to make 2015 a huge growth year for us.

Who is the Play Mile High demographic? How do I know if it’s right for me?

Our leagues are for everyone, whether you played college sports or never touched a ball in your life. Every market we go into we start with skeeball and bocce, things anybody can do. You just have to be able to move your arms and have fun! Everything we do is built around the social aspect and fun. Like, our kickball leagues are kickball and flip cup. So the teams play kickball and then go back to the bar and play flip cup. Everything we do has a social or bar element. 

Social is good.

That’s the thing, in Denver there’s a lot of  great activities but there’s not necessarily  that super social element, that go-play-something-meet-people-have-a-lot-of-fun-on-a Thursday-night-with-your-friends-or-your-office type of thing. Play Mile High is the full social and active experience. The types of activities we do really help people meet and socialize, it’s a total icebreaker. How are you gonna play skeeball and not talk to the people next to you? 

Skeeball is not something the average person realizes is missing from their lives but everybody I've mentioned it to has a huge response to the idea. So are we talking, like, the kind of skeeball they have at Chuck E. Cheese's or Dave & Buster's?

That's exactly what it is. We’ll have two skeeball machines and we’ve developed all different types of games. Each week you play a different team and it’s fun and social and super fast paced. It's become wildly popular in Baltimore. Last year we had just under 2000 people in Baltimore playing skeeball.

As a matter of fact, our problem is that our vendor in Baltimore ran out of skeeball machines. We have so many bars wanting to do it with us  but we just don’t have the capacity to do any more.

And it's being held at Barker Lounge, a very fun place. How did you get hooked up with them?
I was looking for a bar to partner with for LGBT events and met with them. It was a great fit and I think the space is a good intimate space for a league. Everybody I talk to says it’s a fun place to go and drink and hang out so it should be a great fit. 

So the LGBT skeeball league is obviously gay-friendly, but what about the other leagues?

Oh, absolutely. No matter who you are, you are welcome in any of the leagues. The only reason we designate LGBT leagues is, I went to high school in Boulder and I had a bunch of friends from high school who live in Denver now and they’ve told me that that they love socializing but that there’s nothing like what we’re doing for the LGBT community. The feedback we got was that the community wanted designated leagues and so we are developing that identity for the league. Obviously, they can and do play in other leagues with everybody else but if they want something LGBT specific, we have that too.

Theatre Review: It's Just Sex

By Philip Doyle

I am in a constant state of gratitude to the community of producers, directors, actors, and crews, who work tirelessly to provide live theatre.  The good people of the Denver metro area should thank their lucky stars for companies like The Edge Theatre. 

What happens when three domesticated married couples surrender to their wild sexual desires?  It’s Just Sex is a fun and thought provoking exploration of trust, lust, and fidelity. 

Some friends gather for an evening of drinks and social small talk.  What begins as a party game of “tell the truth” becomes a swinging husband and wife swap.  The ensuing uninhibited sexual romp is cleverly staged and extremely funny to witness. 

The post coitus action grapples with some pretty deep questions.  What constitutes cheating?  What is trust?  But not to worry, It’s Just Sex doesn’t get too bogged down with the issues that pop up when the sex stops.  This play is more fun than serious.  The sex is more playful than raw and raunchy.  And what could be an evening of couple therapy is an enjoyable, seductive game of wit and reckoning.  Seeing these characters bargain to discover their goal is a good time.  

The three couples come to the party harboring personal resentments and neuroses that can challenge their marriage.  Phil (Scott Bellot) has taken drastic measures to rekindle the sexual spark with his wife Joan (Patty Ionoff).

Lisa (Kirsten Deane) is frustrated by her husband’s failure to man-up.  Her husband Greg’s (James O’Hagan Murphy) assertiveness is crumbling under Lisa’s critical nitpicking.  I threw some extra applause to Kirsten Deane for her confident and well articulated performance. 

Kelly (Smara Bridwell) has been keeping a secret from her constantly horny husband Carl (Brock Benson).  Benson has become one of my favorite Denver actors.  He embodies his characters with sincerity and an appreciation that is a joy to watch.

In what could be a thankless albeit brief role, I acknowledge Rebekah Shibao for bringing some class and beauty as a hooker.

It’s Just Sex begins with three short scenes that had me surprised and a bit perplexed.  It was as though the show was rewound ten minutes before the real action started.   Part of me felt grateful to witness what occurs before the party starts.  The other part of me felt a bit robbed, like I had been prematurely clued in.  All is forgiven as the party starts, when the quick episodic pace that started the play, shifts to a more comfortable momentum. 

Almost all of the action takes place with six actors in one room.  Thanks to director Bill Smith, for his ability to keep the staging fresh and focused throughout. 

Playwright Jeff Gould has constructed a play that is much more than its eye-catching title.  It’s Just Sex is a swinging party where the guests share drinks, laughs, and themselves.

The Regional Premiere of It’s Just Sex by Jeff Gould

Presented by The Edge Theatre

9797 W. Colfax Ave, Lakewood, CO 80215

Runs June 29 – July 22

For tickets and more information visit

www.theedgetheatre.com or call 303-232-0363

Empire Star Jussie Smollett is the HIV Activist We Need

For its January/February issue, Plus magazine enlisted openly gay comedian Sampson McCormick to sit-down for an intimate discussion with good friend Jussie Smollett.  The 33-year-old Empire star opens up to McCormick and reveals why he’s worried, as a Black gay man, about the issues that he personally advocates for to ensure social justice across the board.  McCormick tells Plus, “That’s one thing I love about him. He’s an artist for sure, but he’s also very connected to real issues, and we need more people like him.”

On President-elect Donald Trump and his supporters:

“I think that these are desperate times, desperate, desperate, desperate people. I’m not saying that every single Donald Trump supporter is a desperate person. No, actually I am. I am, but [he is] playing to people’s fears, fears of being less powerful.”

His thoughts on homophobia:

“[Homophobia] is the brainwashing of society. It’s the poisoning of hate. That’s what it is. One of my biggest mentors, Phill Wilson, after the Charleston shootings, I was so low, and it was right when I was being honored at the Heroes in the Struggle last year. And I was so down, I could not stop. It was one of the first times that I felt just completely defeated. [Phill] said to me and Jeremy, he said it like this: ‘These are extremely, extremely desperate people. They are such desperate people, because hate is so desperate right now, because hate is going to lose.’ When hate is gonna lose, hate starts getting real low, hate starts getting real, trying everything. Well, I’m gonna shoot you; well I’m gonna do this. That’s what hate does. That’s what Donald Trump does.”

On using his voice as an artist to advocate for social issues:
“That, if anything is my message, it’s that it’s not about, ‘Why is it the artist’s responsibility?’ It’s, ‘Why is it the human being’s responsibility?’ If we fucked up this world, we gotta clean it up. It’s a human being’s responsibility. It’s just that the artist, to me—sometimes we are told that we should shy away from what is our civic duty and what is just our rights and our duty as citizens. That somehow … we’re supposed to shut our mouths. So many times I’ve gotten … [asked], ‘Why don’t you shut up and stop talking about race? Don’t you have some acting to do?’ First of all, that’s all you’ve got? That’s a whack-ass shit you’re gonna say. And it’s just really interesting and I’ve heard that before, but that’s just not my point of view, because I don’t approach it as an actor, I approach it as a concerned person who is affected by it because it’s happened to me, it’s happening to my sisters and my brothers and humanity. I just feel like if people are listening to you, you should have something to say.”

On those who oppose LGBT rights:

“You only become a horrible person when you violate my basic human rights. That is when it becomes a problem, when you start being the aggressor in two consenting adults and the life that they live. That is what makes you an asshole. It’s this lack of understanding, it’s this lack of care.”

On a cure for HIV and AIDS:
“Don’t get me started. I truly believe that there is a cure out there. And the moment that we can actually get out there, we can actually get the governments to finally make money off of that cure, maybe we will see it. Let me go call my security detail, because after this I’m gonna need extra security. No, I mean, y’all can print that shit. Honestly. It’s true.”

Joe Rogan in Denver tonight through Saturday

I just found out Joe Rogan is in town to do some stand-up at ComedyWorks South.

If you haven't had a chance to see his comedy I totally recommend it.

He's highly intelligent and funny while at the same time very rude and raw.

I like that in a guy.

I interviewed him a couple of years ago for Out Front Colorado and it was definitely one of the best I've ever had. We were on the phone for close to three hours, just chit-chatting and bullshitting. He's a real interesting character and a very cool guy.

Read the interview and find out what he had to say about getting hit on by gay guys, pornstars, and more, after the jump.


Fear is not a factor for Joe Rogan
By Drew Wilson

Best known as the host of TV’s smash hit gross-out challenge show 'Fear Factor', Joe Rogan is, in fact, much more than that. He’s an actor, a comedian, a commentator for the Ultimate Fighting Championship, a former champion martial artist and a cutting edge comedian known for his raw and raunchy material.

I caught up with Joe and we talked at great length about everything from UFOs and conspiracy theories to time travel and sexual politics. I admit I’d previously only thought of him as that hot little buff guy from 'Fear Factor' but after chatting with him for nearly three hours, I came to realize he was also funny, profound and a helluva cool guy.

Are you aware that you have a really big gay following?
What? No. Is it really big?

Oh yeah, all my friends were like, ‘you’re gonna interview Joe Rogan? Oh, my God, he’s so hot!’
(Laughing) It’s funny because I used to work out at a gym in Holly wood in this really gay neighborhood because it was so close to the set where we filmed _News Radio_ and I used to joke about it because every time I used to work out I felt like this tasty little morsel in a homo stew. Dudes were just -_way_ too aggressive. It’s not that they were dickheads about it but it was the exact same way straight guys act around girls, so it was really weird to me. Gay dudes are dudes and dudes do fucked up shit. If you have a dick eventually you’re gonna do something stupid.

So what would they do?
Guys would try to spot you when there’s no need. They’d just come up behind you out of nowhere and grab the bar when there was no need and I’d be like ‘Dude, it’s fine. Just relax!’ They were just basically putting their feelers out.

You’ve said on your Web site that a lot of people take you for gay. Why do you think that is?
Dude, there are a bunch of factors. Without a doubt if you have a little bit of fame someone is eventually gonna say you’re gay. The other thing is that a lot of straight guys get jealous of you so they claim that you’re gay, especially if their girlfriends happen to be attracted to you. Then there are the gay guys with wishful thinking. I’m a really laid back person and I really don’t care what anybody thinks about me and I don’t have an agenda as far as paying attention to my image. I say and do whatever the fuck I want dude, and I think that might have something to do with it too. Like, the ring tone on my cell phone is Christina Aguillera's _Beautiful_. When my phone rings it goes, ‘You are beautiful…’ and I laugh every time.

That is pretty gay.
I know! It’s the gayest thing ever. It’s so gay that even gay dudes don’t even claim that song. That’s a song only a girl could sing and not even a good-looking girl at that. Christina Aguilllera is pretty fugly. There’s something a little off about her.

Does that mean you’re a Britney man?
Dude, I don’t get Britney Spears, I have a massive aversion to white trash. But lately I’ve been really attracted to Hillary Skank, that’s what I call her, because even though she came from the trailer park, when she talks you can tell she’s really smart.

Who else are you attracted to at the moment?
Mostly porn stars. But they’re kind of better when you’re on the outside looking in. Once you start hanging out with them you get drawn into their real lives and that’s bad.

You do stand up in addition to your television work. What’s your act about?
It’s just completely uncensored, from religion to life and sex and just whatever I happen to think about. I think about sex a lot.

The press materials about your act are plastered with warnings about extreme adult content. What can you possibly say in the year 2005 that could be so potentially terrifying to people?
Thank you. You say that because you are obviously an intelligent and rational person. But then you get these bible-banging retards who love _Fear Factor_ and want to come see the _Fear Factor_ guy and then get freaked out about the things that I say. How come in this country the retards outnumber the normal people? Oh my god, if you ever travel, you know this country has some scary little shitholes with some really retarded fucking freaks.

_Fear Factor_ is a huge hit and has been on the air several years now. How long do you see yourself continuing with it?
Dude, you know what? It’s so much money I just can’t quit. I don’t care what anybody says, I will whore myself out without a second thought. I will do it in a dress if I have to, man. There are just not that many opportunities in life to make that kind of money so that’s why I do it. Just for the money. It lost its novelty for me a long time ago.

You did a reality show celebrity version of Fear Factor recently that featured Reichen from _The Amazing Race_. Have you heard anything about his recent discrimination case against the printer who had been printing his posters but then refused to continue when he found out Reichen was gay?
What? Fuck that shit. If the guy agreed to print his poster and then wouldn’t because he found out Reichen’s gay then he’s an idiot. Why should he give a fuck? Homosexuality has nothing to do with morality or values, and these retards need to quit worrying about what other people want to do with their lives.
If Reichen wanted to blow some guy in the middle of the street, society shouldn’t give a shit unless they’re blocking traffic. I would laugh; I’d walk by and be like ‘Damn, those dudes have balls; literally.’ In a healthy society, everybody would shun anybody who would criticize someone for something as innocuous as homosexuality. I don’t understand that and maybe that’s another reason why people call me gay; because I defend being gay.

Where does your attitude about homosexuality come from?
When I was a little kid I lived in San Francisco and we lived next door to these gay guys. I didn’t know anything about sex back then but my parents were hippies so there was never any judgment or anything. My aunt would come visit and go next door to smoke pot and dance naked and play bongos with the gay hippies and we never saw anything wrong with that. So I grew up realizing that some people have red hair and some people are gay. It’s just natural, dude.
I remember I had this friend and I was over at his house one time and his father was going off about gay people. I was, like, 11 and I remember thinking it just didn’t make any sense to me for him to worry about it. But he was incensed like it was a personal insult to him. Obviously I didn’t say anything to him because he was a big guy and I was only 11 but that is still burned into my mind to this day at 37 years old. I was just like ‘wow, why was he so angry?’
I managed to avoid a lot of retarded social programming growing up in San Francisco. So it was kind of my weird upbringing that helped lead me to my opinion but I’m the kind of person who really likes to think about things and break things down and question everything so I like to think that even if I wasn’t brought up that way that it is the conclusion I would have eventually come to on my own.






It's Just Social - aka Jeff's Happy Hour - Photo Album

The It's Just Social group - aka Jeff's Happy Hour - met this past Friday, June 15 to kick off Pride weekend right - with good friends, good food, and good cocktails at the Interstate kitchen and bar on Santa Fe. Good times!

Openly Gay Rugby Star Gareth Thomas Weighs In On Diver Tom Daley's Recent Coming Out

In an recent blog on the sport social network, Sportlobster, ex-Wales rugby international star Gareth Thomas, who announced he is gay in 2009, becoming one of the first openly homosexual male athletes in any major sports team, details his reaction to Tom Daley’s recent coming out announcement and lends some advice to the 19 year-old Olympic bronze medallist. 

“Hopefully this will give other kids and adults the strength to be honest and take a lot of inspiration from his story,” says Thomas, whose life story has been optioned as a film with Oscar-nominated Mickey Rourke attached to star. “I don’t think someone coming out is enough - I think it’s his story after coming out that will inspire others. If he goes to Rio and wins the gold medal and has a fantastic life after that it will show other athletes that being honest and open is a good thing to do. Hopefully he can re-focus now and concentrate on his sport and show that being a gay athlete doesn’t define who you are.

“Tom now needs to be true to who he is and not be who anyone else wants him to be. He has a big responsibility as he is now potentially responsible for many people having the confidence to come out publically about their sexuality. His announcement will change people’s lives and make lives better. He is now a role model who has influence over thousands, maybe even millions of people so that’s a huge amount of responsibility, which I’m sure he’ll take seriously once he realises just how much influence he has.

“I came out to my family and close friends, and then two years later I came out in a newspaper. Often people ask me why I felt I had to come out, as it’s not an issue for them. We’re now in an age dominated by social media and so many people are interested in celebrities and their lifestyles outside of what they do for a living, that you have to come out publicly if you want to walk down the street hand in hand or go to a pub and drink without people talking and spreading vicious rumours. I came out in a public way because I wanted to live my life in a way that I wanted to and not be judged by people. 


“I thought it was very personal the way Tom made the announcement - you’re watching on YouTube and it’s almost like he’s talking to you. I thought it was a very humbling and genuine way of doing it and I take my hat off to him. People might look at the life he is living and think it’s fantastic but he’s been through a lot. You could see in his eyes that all he really wants is to be Tom Daley the diver and not have lots of people questioning him for his sexuality.

“What Tom has done is very significant in other ways, because he’s so young and he’s fairly near the start of his career - it’s a great positive message to the world. For him to do it at such a young age is not only testament to him but to society. When I was playing it just wouldn’t have been possible to come out at his age in the rugby world. It was very much a different place then and I wouldn’t have found the acceptance that I found when I eventually did do it.

“Tom is a great diver and this is just a declaration of who he is sexually, not a declaration of who he is as a person. I’ve watched him in the Olympics and, like most of the nation, felt like I was standing on the edge of every diving board with him. I know he’s a hugely successful young lad with a great life ahead of him. I just hope that this announcement makes his life even better.

“I was never under pressure to come out and I didn’t do it because I wanted to be some kind of flag-bearer, it was just a position that I was put in. The more people that come out as being gay, the better the world is.

“The world is constantly changing and people get educated every single day. When I first started playing rugby, being openly gay and progressing at the sport wasn’t possible. Now it’s been proven that it can be done, not just in rugby but across all sports.”

TakePart.com: This Tiny Clinic is Fighting for Trans Patients to Receive Medical Care

By Jennifer Swann

Tommilynn Travis spent years driving an 18-wheeler across the United States, but the trip she remembers most is the one she took after the job ended. Two years ago she set out along Highway 62 from the oilfields of rural New Mexico, where she’d recently begun working, to the Texas panhandle town of Lubbock, 110 miles northwest. Travis was at a crossroads in her life. Newly divorced, estranged from her kids, and nearing 40, she had decided to transition from male to female. 

As for most people in her situation, starting the transition wasn’t easy. Nobody in Hobbs, New Mexico, the small city near the state line where she was living, had any experience treating gender dysphoria, the severe condition of depression and anxiety that ensues when people feel their body doesn’t match their sex. “They weren’t trained; they weren’t taught; they had no clue,” Travis says today, wearing a crucifix tattoo inked like a necklace down her chest. The doctors she saw were baffled.

The Transgender Resource Center of New Mexico, in Albuquerque, was five hours away. An appointment would take all day. After making dozens of phone calls, she set out for an infertility clinic in conservative West Texas. When she walked in with a recommendation from her therapist and asked to be put on female hormones, the doctor didn’t bat an eye. “Surprisingly, at that clinic I didn’t have many issues,” Travis remembers, speaking in a soft Southern twang, a relic of her Memphis, Tennessee, upbringing as a Southern Baptist. “They were so used to dealing with people in crisis situations all of the time—couples that couldn’t have babies or whatever. They were extremely supportive.”

The major downside was the expense: Few insurance carriers covered the treatment, despite the American Medical Association declaring in 2008 that gender dysphoria is a “serious medical condition” that “for some people without access to appropriate medical care and treatment” can lead to “suicidality and death.” 

(Photo: St. John's Well Child and Family Center/Flickr)

“It saved my life, hormone therapy. It did," Travis says. “It was all out of pocket back then; it was terribly expensive." 

Bad Excuses For Misgendering Transgender Victims Of Violence

Transgender homicide victims are frequently misgendered in local media reports about their deaths. Though some news outlets may be motivated by transphobia and bias, others -- like The Kansas City Star -- have justified the practice of misgendering transgender people by using shoddy appeals to journalistic integrity.

On August 15, Tamara Dominguez became one of the transgender woman of color to be murdered in the United States when she was repeatedly run over by an SUV. According to local reports, the Kansas City Police Department identified Dominguez using both her birth name and her preferred name, Tamara.

The Kansas City Star identified Dominguez as a "man" in its initial report on the murder - violating GLAAD and Associated Press guidelines and contributing to the widespread problem of misgendering transgender victims of violence in local news reports. In response to criticism from the LGBT community, The Kansas City Star eventually removed the problematic language from its report.

On August 18, Kansas City Star's Public Editor Derek Donovan published a defense of his paper's initial report, which exemplifies the problematic ways that local media outlets can justify the practice of misgendering transgender victims of violence.

'We Can't Know For Sure'

Central to Donovan's defense is his argument that news outlets can't know with certainty if a victim of violence is transgender, especially when the victim is deceased:

Police directly told the reporter they did not know whether Dominguez identified as male or female. And as the victim is deceased, it's now impossible to get a firsthand answer to that question.
KCTV interviewed the victim's friend, who used female pronouns. The Star didn't have that (as of this writing at least). I've spoken to the newsroom, and they're following through on the story.

But as Donovan notes, other local media outlets, including KSHB and KCTV, reached out to Dominguez's social circle, including her roommate, to confirm her identity. Other reporters have used social media to confirm victims' gender identities. In other words, when faced with a question about how a subject identified, they did actual reporting rather than just making a snap judgment about Dominguez's gender identity.
That kind of reporting is important beyond merely respecting the victim. Ignoring a victim's gender identity can hamper police investigations, and it makes it harder for the public to understand the nature and frequency of violence against transgender people.  

'Reporters Shouldn't Assume'

Donovan also argues that gender identity isn't always clearly defined, so journalists' attempts to define a victim's gender identity would require them to make a "journalistically unsound" assumption:

[T]here are also people who fall somewhere else along a continuum. Some identify as both genders simultaneously -- or even neither. Some identify as female but have male alter-aliases, and vice versa. Some continue to identify as their birth gender while cross-dressing. Sometimes even those closest to these people don't know exactly how to answer the intensely personal questions of gender identiy. [sic]
The police report was succinct, identifying the victim as Jesus -- the only legal name known, according to police, and noting the alias. It would have been premature, and ultimately journalistically unsound to make any assumption.

It's important that Donovan acknowledges the fluidity of gender expression and identity, especially for people who identify as non-binary. But that isn't an excuse for intentionally ignoring a news subject's gender presentation and preemptively choosing "male" over "female." According to Donovan, the police could not tell his paper "whether Dominguez identified as male or female," so when the Kansas City Star called Dominguez a "man," it made a "journalistically unsound" assumption about her gender identity, too. Rather than respecting gender fluidity as Donovan suggested they should have, they failed to determine how the victim would want to be identified, substituting a news subject's chosen identity with a reporter's own assumptions and biases, based apparently on nothing more than the name "Jesus."

'We Follow The Victim's Legal Gender'      

Donovan claims that identifying Dominguez as a woman would ignore "basic reality," distinguishing her gender identity from her "legal identity":

And it's wrong to ignore a basic reality: This issue is inherently confusing and tricky. Legal identities do matter, both in trans people's lives and in reporting the news. Despite what one may glean from the always black/white world of Twitter, trans activists speak at great length about the murky details of names, passports, and birth certificates that are serious issues trans people deal with -- financial and social barriers to changing one's legal identification, for example. Pretending they don't exist is absurd.

It is true that it's often difficult for transgender people to have their gender identities legally recognized.

But that isn't an argument for refusing to acknowledge the way they prefer to be identified, especially after their deaths. The legitimacy of a transgender person's identity isn't contingent on a passport or birth certificate.

News outlets don't ask for legal documents when they talk about cisgender people. Reporters don't ask for passports or birth certificates to verify the names and identities of cisgender news subjects. Forcing transgender people to legally prove their identities before being taken seriously isn't tied to a widely-accepted journalistic norm, and it trivializes trans people by reinforcing the idea that trans identities shouldn't be taken seriously.

'It's Hard To Correctly Identify Victims'

Donovan concludes by explaining that properly identifying transgender victims of violence can be difficult, even for reporters who make an effort to reach out to the victim's loved ones:

You could argue the story shouldn't have run at all until this detail was known, via an interview with a family member or someone who can be verified as a friend of Dominguez. And no, self-proclaimed "friends" in social media don't count. Dominguez does not appear to have had a public social media presence under the name Tamara or Jesus -- both rather common names, complicating matters.
[...]
[A]ctivism is too often hijacked by loud, irresponsible voices, even from people who mean well. I've heard from some today criticizing The Star for being behind on this story, yet ironically using terminology that transgender people generally consider offensive. It's impossible for everyone to be on the same page.

It's a sentiment that's been echoed by other journalists -- determining someone's gender identity can be burdensome, especially when law enforcement misgenders a victim in initial press releases. In local news environments that prioritize quick, breaking news reports, stopping to investigate a victim's gender identity is a lot to ask. And journalists don't want to incorrectly identify someone as transgender if they aren't sure.
In those cases, the solution is to avoid using gendered terminology to describe the victim, as several outlets did in their reports of Dominguez's death. Using gender-neutral descriptors, and then amending reports once the victim's gender identity is confirmed, allows local media outlets to avoid making harmful or lazy assumptions in their coverage.

2015's unprecedented streak of homicides of transgender women has brought renewed attention to the problem of misgendering in news media. But journalists have been grappling with how to identify trans people, and specially trans victims of violence, for years. As the trans community continues to gain visibility, ethical journalism will require that reporters let go of their excuses and do the necessary work of figuring out how to accurately and responsibly identify trans people from the very first draft of any article.

Tranifesto: Ten Things Not to Say to a Trans Person

By Matt Kailey

Many trans people (including myself) speak and train in a variety of venues, and we do so because it is important to us to educate non-trans people about who we are. We get a lot of comments and a lot of questions in those settings, and unless we have specified that a particular topic is off-limits (I never do), we expect and are happy to answer any and all questions that come our way. In that situation, as the old cliché goes, there are no stupid questions.

But there is a big difference between a training or educational setting and a social or workplace environment. When we speak or train, we make the choice to answer questions, respond to comments, and so on. When we’re eating fast food, shopping at the mall, or just meeting someone for the first time in a social setting, we’re sometimes caught off guard.

So I present “Ten Things Not to Say to a Trans Person” (all of which have been said to me at one time or another) as a cautionary reminder to those non-trans folks outside of a formal educational or training setting.

1. “Have you had ‘the operation'”? (Equally offensive: “Have you had ‘the surgery?'” or “Are you pre-op or post-op?” or “Are you done?”)

There is no one “operation.” Trans people have many surgeries or no surgeries. We know what you’re talking about, but we like to pretend that we don’t just to annoy you. Like you, we consider our private parts private. You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.

But transition is not all about genitalia – in fact, the social aspects of transition can be far more complicated, complex, and compelling. To ask about surgery is to disregard every other aspect of a person as a human being – not to mention the fact that you would not likely ask anyone else you know about his or her genitalia.

Unless you’re asking me to sleep with you, what’s underneath my clothes should not be of concern. And if you are asking me to sleep with you, then I’d like to see what’s underneath your clothes before I make my final decision.

2. “Which bathroom do you use?”

We use the bathroom that matches the gender that we are presenting (if the law allows). We use the bathroom that is right for us (if we can), just like you use the bathroom that is right for you. And we use the bathroom for the same reason that you do. We have no interest in seeing or hearing anything that you are doing in there, and we would prefer that you not take an undue interest in us. We just want to get in, take care of business, and get out. If you have seen most public restrooms, you will understand why.

3. “If you combed your hair a certain way, walked a certain way, did ______ (fill in the blank) a certain way, you would be more masculine/feminine.”

Thanks for the tip. Now, as for what’s wrong with you …

4. “When did you decide to become transgender/transsexual?”

We didn’t “decide” to “become” this way. We were born this way. When did you “decide” what gender you were – or did you just know? We may have made a “decision” to transition, but most trans people will tell you that transition is not a choice – it is a medical necessity, and any “decision” that was made was simply the decision to continue to live, which necessitated transition.

5. “You pass really well.”

While some trans people may take this as a compliment, especially in the early stages of transition, “passing” implies that a person is not what he or she seems to be – that the person is “passing” for something else. Unless you’re a driving instructor, if you want to give a compliment, just say, “You look nice today” or “That color looks good on you” or whatever you would say to anyone else.

6. “I thought you’d be a monster – but you’re just a normal person!”

Catch me during the next full moon.

7. “How do you have sex?”

Buy me dinner and I’ll show you.

Seriously, there are many ways to have sex, and trans people have sex just like everyone else. Sex is not just the missionary position, although trans people have sex this way as well. But if you’re strictly the “tab A into slot B” type of person, you might be missing out on some things yourself.

(Equally offensive: “How do you go to the bathroom?” Umm, there’s this thing called the urinary tract …)

8. “I can still see the woman (or the man) in you.”

Darn, did I forget to zip up my pants again?

But seriously, most trans people would prefer not to be reminded of their previous incarnation, if you will. While those who say this generally mean no harm and are just being sentimental about a “person” they miss from their past, those who have transitioned usually don’t share the same sentimentality about their pre-transition self, so no matter what you see, it’s best to keep it to yourself.

9. “Are you afraid that people will hate you or want to hurt you?”

Yes. But I try not to think about it unless someone brings it up.

10. “What does being a man (or a woman) mean to you?”

It means not being asked that kind of question, because you would never ask a non-trans man (or a non-trans woman) the same question.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.