Tranifesto: Worried That You’re Transphobic? You Might Be.

By Matt Kailey

If you’re worried that you’re transphobic, the bad news is that you very well might be. The good news is that self-awareness is more important than a minor case of transphobia, because if you are aware of it, then you can prevent yourself from acting on it – and in addition to some self-regulation, your awareness can help you attempt to make changes.
 
There are plenty of phobias and isms out there, and most people probably harbor one or more of them. I would guess that almost all of us can take some category of people, stick “phobic” or “ist” after that category name, and claim that label in one way or another. The problem is not so much being able to do that – the problem is not being able to do that.

If we are unaware of our own internalized biases, then there is nothing to prevent us from acting on them. There is no inner control mechanism that stops us before we say or do something offensive, damaging, or dangerous, because we are not aware that we might. There is nothing that prevents us from allowing these biases to continue, within ourselves and within our society.

If you are worried that you are transphobic, then you have already established trans people as a group that is “different from” yourself in a way that is at least a little negative, which is where the “phobia” part comes in. But you have also established trans people as a group that you have the potential to harm by your words or behaviors, and that is where the benefit of self-awareness comes in – because now that you realize it, you are capable of stopping it.

Being worried about the possibility that you are transphobic puts you one step ahead of those who know that they are transphobic and aren’t worried about it one bit, and those who aren’t worried about being transphobic because they don’t know that they are. If you’re worried about it, you are in a prime position to look inward and make some adjustments.



This does not mean that we should simply accept our phobias and isms. No one can sit back and say, “Well, at least I’m aware of it, so that makes it okay.” Self-awareness is only the first step in a long journey of work to be done. But if you can’t take that first step, you can forget about the rest of the trip.

So instead of being worried about the possibility that you are transphobic or that you might say or do something that will mark you as transphobic, harness the energy from that worry and use it to do some self-examination and self-reflection. If you discover any anti-trans feelings, try to identify where those are coming from and what you might be able to do to alter them.

Denial of our biases is actually far more destructive than acknowledging them, because if we deny them, we never do the work to eliminate them. It’s better to face even minor biases head on and say, “I have this, but I don’t want it. Where did it originate, what can I do to change it, and how can I make sure that it doesn’t negatively influence my behaviors or harm others?”

The Implicit Association Tests (IAT) through Project Implicit are a great way to ferret out hidden biases. Although none of these demo tests deals with trans people, there are a variety of tests designed to help you discover unconscious biases. While some people have questioned the reliability of these tests, they have been used for years by researchers and individuals to examine possible biases. They are easy and actually fun to take, and since they have one for sexual orientation, I hope that trans will not be far behind.

Just remember – whether or not you like the results of your IATs or what you discover from your internal soul-searching, being aware of a bias is the first step in working to change it and making sure that your words and behaviors are not injurious. Being worried about it is a good sign – as long as you are willing to move beyond that and into positive action.

Readers, what do you think?

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Tranifesto: Losing Visibility in the LGBTQ Community

By Matt Kailey

 

A reader writes: “One thing that’s been on my mind and has begun to gnaw at me is the possibility of losing my visibility within the GLBTQ community. 

“Once I have my top surgery in a few months, I’m scared that I’m going to be pegged as cis and straight. Is this something you were nervous about with your transition, and if so, how did you overcome it?”

I was not worried about this pre-transition for a couple of reasons: At the time, I wanted people to see me as non-trans (not necessarily so anymore), and I knew that no one would ever see me as straight (although, surprisingly, some people do). I also came from the straight community, so I did not have ties to the LGBTQ community prior to the realization that I was trans.

However, I think I have some sense of the dilemma. If you have strong ties to this community, and have been seen as queer, gay, or lesbian for some time, both inside and outside of the community, you are faced with losing one piece of your identity even as you gain the rest of it.

It’s similar to what happens to a perceived lesbian couple when one member of that couple transitions. Even if the guy is happy about being seen as a straight male by the world, his partner is often unhappy about what she sees as losing her lesbian identity when others both inside and outside the community treat them as a straight couple. And they also risk losing their standing and their friends within the lesbian community.

Based on your statement that chest surgery will be what causes you to be seen as cis and straight, I’m going to assume that you are a trans man. It sounds as if you are facing the possible loss of friends and identity within the LGBTQ community (for example, within a particular lesbian group that you might have been attached to), and certainly you will be perceived differently outside of the community. You may very well lose the queer part of your identity as far as the larger world is concerned.

I think there are a couple of things that you can do to counteract this loss of identity, at least for yourself.

Obviously, you are still in this community, and this is where you want to be, so spend as much time as possible doing things in the community – attending functions, volunteering, and being an activist. In all these situations, you can come out as trans if you want to – some LGBTQ people will assume that you’re trans because you’re doing the work alongside of them, but other people will assume that you are a gay man (which you may be – I’m not sure). Regardless, when you’re doing work in the community, people will see you as part of that community.

Outside of the community, you could do advocacy work, such as speaking on college campuses and training organizations on LGBTQ issues. It will allow you to benefit your community by educating others, and to be seen outside of the community as trans. You can also come out whenever it’s safe and appropriate, and you can always speak out against transphobic or homophobic behavior and comments, regardless of how you’re seen.

However, you may have to accept the fact that, in casual conversation and passing situations, people you run into outside of your community are going to see you as non-trans and straight, while people within your community might see you as a non-trans gay man.

I would tell you what I usually tell lesbian women whose partner is transitioning and who are worried about losing their lesbian identity in the world because of it: “The world may see you as straight now, but you know who you are. Your internal identity is all that really matters, and you don’t have to lose that.”

Most people in the world are so wrapped up in their own lives and their own problems that they don’t have a lot of interest in processing other people’s identities, anyway. The only people who seem to lead such uninteresting lives that they have time to worry about who the rest of us are and what we’re doing are the members of the religious right. So you may not lose too much with regard to your identity in the localized community or in larger society.

The most important thing is what’s inside of you – that you know who you are. And it sounds as if you do know and you’re taking steps to make your inner identity an outer reality. Others’ perceptions of you may change, but they are only perceptions. Your true identity lies within you.

Readers, what do you think?

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  
 

Tranifesto: Letters for my Brothers

By Matt Kailey

While mentors are an important part of any new experience, for newly out or newly transitioning trans men, they are sometimes hard to come by. But Zander Keig, MSW, and Megan Rohrer, MDiv, decided to solve that problem with the book Letters for my Brothers: Transitional Wisdom in Retrospect, a collection of essays by trans men reflecting on their transition experience (disclaimer: I have an essay in the book, but I get no royalties or other financial compensation for sales from the book).
Since the book was published in 2011, it has become increasingly popular – with new guys looking for guidance, with “elders” who transitioned years ago, but who like to read about others’ experiences, and with allies wanting to support a trans friend or loved one through transition. I interviewed Zander Keig by e-mail about the book, and here’s what he had to say :

Matt Kailey: Tell us a little bit about the people behind this collection – Zander Keig, MSW and Megan Rohrer, MDiv.
Zander Keig: Megan and I met while we were seminary students at Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, California, in August 2002. Megan is a full-time Lutheran pastor, the executive director of Welcome, a non-profit in San Francisco that “seeks to provide a faithful response to poverty,” and the brainchild behind Free Farm, which has “grown and given away over 3 1/4 tons of fresh organic produce” since 2010. 

I am a medical social worker for a federal government healthcare system, working with people experiencing challenges with a lack of housing and employment, as well as dealing with substance abuse and mental illness. In addition, I am a board member for Welcome and TransMentors International, the volunteer coordinator for Trans Youth Family Allies (TYFA), and a regular presenter at Gender Odyssey.

MK: What made you decide to put together this particular collection? Where did the idea come from and why is it important?
ZK: One day I was having a conversation with Megan about what I perceived to be a dearth of mentors in the FTM community. What I envisioned was a way for post-transition trans men to stay involved in the FTM community to provide guidance to their brothers. We decided to publish a book, an anthology of transition narratives, which offers a retrospective lens of the journey taken by the writers. The hope was that, in looking back, the writers could glean a bit of wisdom about the challenges and celebrations they have encountered and share that with the readers.
The writers were prompted with a couple of questions: write a letter to your pre-transition self sharing what you wish you had known before embarking on the path or write a letter to your brothers sharing your thoughts about your journey and what obstacles and surprises you have faced.
The concept of letter writing was inspired by the life and work of Louis Graydon Sullivan (1955-1991), a pioneering trans man who was a prolific letter writer. He was engaged in ongoing correspondence with FTMs around the world for years. In Letters for my Brothers, we include a piece from Lou’s correspondence with David, an early-transition trans man. Lou’s gentle, but firm, tone made him an excellent mentor to the hundreds of trans men he impacted and influenced.
Megan and I found Lou’s careful counsel, movement making, and community building inspiring! The FTM community, worldwide, owes a debt of gratitude to Lou, who was the original architect of what came to be Female to Male International, an organization that provides trans men around the world a community of brothers.

Twenty percent of the books proceeds benefits FTM Mentors, a mentor-matching database with 2500+ profiles from folks around the world!

MK: Was it difficult to find contributors and how did you find them? How did you select the essays to include?
ZK: I was primarily responsible for soliciting writers. I reached out to my circle of friends, posted on national and regional FTM listservs, and, with the help of others, had the Call for Submissions posted on various blogs, listservs, and websites I was not connected to directly. Megan was primarily responsible for selecting and editing the submissions. We did not outright reject a story, but some writers were unable to adhere to the editing timeline. 

We wanted a wide representation of voices, and I believe we achieved that. We have stories from people of various races, ethnicities, ages, geographic locations across the United States, abilities, education, and class. We also have stories from trans guys who are straight, gay, bi, poly, and kinky. There truly is something for everyone!

MK: How has the book been received by the community and what feedback have you gotten?
ZK: I have received very positive feedback from the community. Several community web-portals and blog-portals have recommended the book and I have found it listed with Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green and The Testosterone Files by Max Wolf Valerio. It is an honor to be listed alongside pioneers of the FTM Community. The book is even available at some libraries. In addition, Letters for my Brothers is online at: Facebook Group and Page, Tumblr and Twitter.
Even my mother-in-law wrote a fantastic review of the book on her blog.

MK: The book was a finalist for a Lambda Literary Award. How did you feel when you found that out and what does it mean for the book? Were you able to attend the awards?
ZK: Megan and I were contacted by a Lambda Literary Foundation representative, who urged us to submit Letters for my Brothers for consideration. We were honored to have been contacted directly. The fact that a self-published, word-of-mouth-promoted book was on the radar of people associated with the Lambda Literary Foundation was flattering and strengthened my commitment to provide mentorship resources to the FTM community.

MK: What is your next project?
ZK: I am currently involved in promoting another self-published FTM-focused anthology: Hung Jury: Testimonies of Genital Surgery by Transsexual Men (Transgress Press, 2012). I am also working on my memoir, which is being audio-recorded and released in bits with visual images under the title Zanderology prior to being released in book format in 2013.

MK: What else would you like to say?
ZK: I would like to thank all of my brothers who have purchased, shared, or borrowed the book and tweeted, reblogged, and posted about the book. I would also like to express appreciation for all the great people who have encouraged their professors to include the book in Gender Studies courses. I have spoken with professors from around the country who are/will be using Letters for my Brothers in their class. As a matter of fact, a professor from my alma mater, Metro State, uses the book in two of her courses!! She did not know I was an alum when she first ordered the book last year.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission.  

Tranifesto: An Interview with Ryan Sallans

By Matt Kailey

While Nebraska might be a nice place to visit (or drive through on I-80), it can prove intimidating for trans people who are all too familiar with the murder of Brandon Teena near Humboldt.

But now a positive story comes out of the Heartland (and the state of my birth). Author, speaker, activist, and trans man Ryan Sallans introduces his new memoir, Second Son, detailing his both his struggles and his triumphs growing up, transitioning, and remaining in the Cornhusker State.

“I felt that perceptions around Nebraska needed to be changed and Heartland voices needed to be heard,” he says.

Below, he talks about his book, his eating disorder, his relationships, and what’s in store for the future.

Matt Kailey: You have been a diversity trainer and consultant since early in your transition and prior to writing Second Son. How did that come about, and what made you decide to be out as a trans person instead of to transition and assimilate into mainstream male culture?

Ryan Sallans: I was very fortunate to begin my transition and career working as a health educator with a non-profit agency. It was through my work educating communities, and my experience being profiled in the LOGO network documentary Gender Rebel, that I found the importance of sharing stories.

I didn’t plan to “out” myself and use my story as an example, until one day when I was working with some counseling students and they all were looking at me with the same expression, which I knew meant they were thinking, “Why is this guy doing this topic and how does he know so much?” I decided to let go of my filter and “out” myself, which then turned my training into a whole new experience for the audience and myself. 

I always work with terminology and society, but then open it up to my story because I feel putting a personal face to a word, label or identity makes the concept real. Being vulnerable with an audience and allowing them to ask me anything allows them to let down their guard and open up their minds to the reality and spirit of a transgender identity.

Throughout my life I have always chosen careers where there is a deep passion attached to it. Even though being out can be scary, threatening and draining, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Ryan Sallans

MK: Please talk a little about the body issues that you discuss in your book with regard to the body-consciousness that you had as a teenager and how this was influenced by the culture and by your own gender issues.

RS: Growing up, I didn’t have the word “transgender” or the imagery of what that looked like to describe the discomfort that I had with my body. The only words I had to describe my discomfort were “fat and ugly.” Instead of recognizing that my body’s changes were a normal part of puberty for a female, I saw the changes as threatening. I believed that with each curve I gained, I became physically weaker and even more unattractive.

I kept hiding my body under baggy clothing and became obsessed with working out because all I wanted was for my body to be lean and muscular. I didn’t want to be seen as a sexual being. I wanted to be seen as a person dedicated to health and fitness. As I carried this dysphoria toward my sexual body into college, I took on behaviors that led me into anorexia. 

I knew throughout high school and into my freshman year of college that I felt very self-conscious about the size of my body. This was partly influenced by what we see on the television and in magazines, but those were only affecting surface issues. The deeper issues surrounding my gender identity weren’t exposed until I was in recovery and extensive therapy.

MK: You had a serious eating disorder prior to transition. Can you talk a little about how this eating disorder was related to or affected by being trans? In your interactions with the trans community, have you found that eating disorders are prevalent in certain segments of the community and is this a concern that we haven’t addressed?

RS: I didn’t have the awareness of being transgender while I was struggling with my eating disorder. I just knew that I felt uncomfortable and that my body didn’t represent who I was, but I didn’t know at that time that part of my identity was male. I do believe eating disorders are prevalent in the transgender community.

Sadly, there is very little research on this topic, but what we have been observing is that anorexia is very common among trans women who are trying to constrain their size and are fearful of muscular development, whereas anorexia and overeating are seen in the trans man community, either to starve the body of its curves as well as end the menstrual cycle, or to hide the body under layers of weight, which then serves as a protective surface against one’s internal identity. Along with eating disorders, the increase is self-injurious behaviors is also very concerning.

MK: One thing that a lot of transitioning people worry about is finding a romantic relationship. You had some problems with this as well. What did you learn from your past relationships and what advice do you have for transitioning people who have concerns?

RS: The most important thing we should do is honor who we are over any other person’s wishes. After my transition began, my first relationship went through some extremely troubling times, which included a separation. As we struggled, I kept trying to change myself to hopefully make my girlfriend more comfortable with me and my transgender identity. This isn’t the right approach because denying who I was only made me more uncomfortable in my skin.

If a relationship is meant to last then both of the people will not change core aspects of their identity for the other. Picking up your clothes off the floor and washing dishes after eating are things that we are able to change, not our gender identity or other aspects of who we are as a person. Relationships are out there, but they aren’t something we should be seeking when we aren’t able to love ourselves first.

MK: Your transition caused a strained relationship with your family, another concern for those in the process of transition. How is that relationship now? Do you have any advice or suggestions for others with similar concerns?

RS: The first thing we need to have is patience with our family members. This is a process for them, just like it is for you. Allow them to take the time to explore their own feelings and seek the answers to their questions and concerns. If you are starting to see an effort in the way they are interacting with you, keep that momentum going. If they continue to stay verbally or physically abusive, or if you find yourself completely drained and depressed after being around them, then it is best to just unplug from them.

Pay attention to the relationships in your life that give you energy and make you feel accepted and loved. When you unplug it doesn’t mean that you cut all ties off from your family, it just means that you aren’t allowing their reactions or opinions to have power over you anymore. The stronger you become as an individual, the easier it will be to handle family. It’s also okay to cry when you feel the urge to do so. 

I’ve accepted with my parents that although we are at a point where I can be around them, they’ll never be the parents I’d ideally like them to be (but I guess they could argue I’ll never be the child that they would like me to be). We operate in an adult relationship and lack the intimacy that I have with others in my life. I’ve gone through my grief and anger around these issues, and am now trying to move forward without the hope that they’ll ever “come around.”

MK: How do you feel about your body now? Do you feel that transition has completely resolved any issues that you had? In what way, why or why not?

RS: I have an eating-disordered brain, so no matter how defined I get I will never be fully happy with my appearance. It is just a part of who I am. The one thing that is different is that when I feel disgust toward my body, I don’t try to manipulate it through the behaviors I had with food in the past. It is a struggle, and something that wasn’t fixed by transitioning.

I find eating disorders fascinating because, in reality, an eating disorder is not about food. Food is just the tool used to cope with (or avoid) feelings. I don’t know how to deal with emotions except to first filter them through these old belief systems that I have related to my body. My brain has been structured in a way that can be very harmful toward me. This is something that I’m working on and will continue to explore as I age.

MK: Why did you write this book? Who do you want to reach and what do you want people to take away from the experience?
RS: I wrote this book because I felt like transgender individuals from the Heartland are lacking representation and a voice. When you look at our society, the only associations people have toward LGBT issues and the Heartland are the stories of Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena. I wanted to help change that. I wanted to show people that you can be trans in other places besides big cities and liberal environments and still survive/live a fulfilling life.

I want to reach out to others that are struggling, like your book and other people in the trans community have done, and I also wanted to help those that are just curious to read about a life different than their own.

MK: Are there more books in your future? What are your continued plans?
RS: Yes! I want to explore some other areas related to trans issues, but I also want to get back into fiction writing and share the stories of lives in the plains of Nebraska. I have a book that I started writing in graduate school that ended up being my Master’s thesis in English. I plan to finish it within the next two to three years, and I’d love to see it published.

MK: What else would you like to say?
RS: If people find inspiration from my book, please consider visiting my website, www.ryansallans.com, and exploring my speaking topics for audiences ranging from academic, professional, and community. People can also follow where my book is going by visiting www.secondsonmemoir.com.

This post originally appeared on Matt Kailey's award-winning website Tranifesto.com. Republished with permission. 

An Evening of Trysts and Turns: Queer Thoughts from Matt Kailey

Three of Colorado's biggest gay authors will appear at The Mercury Cafe tonight for An Evening of Trysts and Turns: Queer Thoughts from Matt Kailey, Dan Stone and Jerry Wheeler. 

Matt Kailey is an award-winning author, speaker, blogger, and community activist. He has been an activist in the Denver LGBT community and nationally since 1997, has written several books, appeared in five documentary films, and educated audiences across the country about transgender and transsexual issues. 

Tonight he will be reading from his latest book, Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects, a "before-and-after" memoir/essay collection about growing up female and living as male for the past 15 years. His other books include Just Add Hormones: An Insider's Guide to the Transsexual Experience, about the ins, outs, ups, and downs of transition, and Focus on the Fabulous: Colorado GLBT Voices, a collection of 33 Colorado GLBT authors. 

Find him at his website/blog at www.tranifesto.com.

An Evening of Trysts and Turns: Queer Thoughts from Matt Kailey, Dan Stone and Jerry Wheeler.

Save the date this Friday, August 3 for
An Evening of Trysts and Turns: Queer Thoughts from Matt Kailey, Dan Stone and Jerry Wheeler.

Come to Mercury Cafe and hear Matt, Dan and Jerry as they read from their most recent books.

Poetry? Essay? Erotica? These and much, much more. And feel free to stay after the event and buy a signed book. Or three.

An Event of Trysts and Turns: Queer Thoughts from Matt Kailey, Dan Stone and Jerry Wheeler

Save the date this Friday, August 3 for

An Evening of Trysts and Turns: Queer Thoughts from Matt Kailey, Dan Stone and Jerry Wheeler.

Come to Mercury Cafe and hear Matt, Dan and Jerry as they read from their most recent books.

Poetry? Essay? Erotica? These and much, much more. And feel free to stay after the event and buy a signed book. Or three.

A Thanksgiving poem for gay guys

A Thanksgiving Coming Out

By Matt Kailey

There’s a holiday coming on which we give thanks
For the wonderful things in our lives.
Not cell phones or new cars or what’s in the bank,
But our partners or husbands or wives.

We think of our loved ones as we plan our trips.
To see them will be a real treat.
And we know that the question on everyone’s lips
Will be, “When the heck do we eat?”

Now I’ve been through many a Thanksgiving feast
And lived to tell the story.
I can’t really rank them from most fun to least —
They all seemed a little bit gory.

There was one at my grandmother’s house, when she said,
“Let us each say what we’re thankful for.”
But before we could answer, my drunk Uncle Ted
Was sprawled out like a dog on the floor.

Another time everyone came to my place
With their offers to get in the way.
They crowded the kitchen and took up the space,
But at clean-up, they just couldn’t stay.

Then my sis tried her hand at the family feast,
With enough food to feed twenty-one.
But her poor old dog, Rover, that ungrateful beast,
Got there first and left us with none.

So, what’s really going on here? Are you excited? I mean —

Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends
Is supposed to be something quite dear.
But whatever your means and whatever the end —
Admit it. You’re quaking with fear.

There’s nothing exactly like gathering in thanks,
After wading through mountains of snow
With sweet Aunt Matilda and that slob Uncle Frank
And their passel of children in tow.

Then your psychotic brother
Arrives with his wife,
And you wish that he’d put down
That sharp carving knife.

And your parents announce
A Thanksgiving Day bet
That has something to do with
Why you’re not married yet.

And your nephew, who’s one,
Starts to laugh at his toes
And squirts mashed potatoes
From out of his nose.

And your cousin,
Who’s eighteen going on thirty-three,
Reaches under the table
And fondles your knee.

But the worst thing is going to somebody’s house
Who you’ve never laid eyes on before,
And eating strange food prepared by their spouse
And choking out, “Sure, I’ll have more.”

We all have our stories of Thanksgiving pain,
Of the sacrifice we’ve had to make.
Of the friends that we’ve lost and the weight that we’ve gained
And the turkeys that just wouldn’t bake.

Of the vegetables we couldn’t identify
And the rolls that were hard as a rock.
And the off-color jokes that we just let slip by
While our grandparents went into shock.

Even so, on Thanksgiving, there’s fun to be had.
You just have to know how to do it.
While you’re dealing with relatives, mother and dad,
You can do more than simply get through it.

Have some fun. I did. Here’s how.

One year, my grandmother confessed to me,
“I miss the old songs of my day.”
She sat at the piano, hands over the keys,
And she said, “Will you sing if I play?”

She started a melody, one that I know,
A song that began with a bang.
And I stood up and readied myself for the show,
Then I opened my mouth and I sang (to the tune of “Has Anybody Seen My Gal”):

Six foot two, eyes of blue,
Works on a construction crew.
Has anybody seen my guy?

Studly nose, knows the pose,
Has a million other beaus
Has anybody seen my guy?

If you see a fine dandy,
Handsome and slim
Diamond rings and all those things
You can bet your life it isn’t him

But could he love, could he woo
If you find him, you can, too,
Has anybody seen my guy?
(I really miss him)
Has anybody seen my guy?
(Come back to me, baby)
Has anybody seen my guy?

Well, my father jumped up and he started to scream.
My mother said, “Oh, no, oh, no.”
My aunts and my uncles turned six shades of green.
And my brother said, “I told you so.”

The house was in chaos, the family was crazed,
And nobody knew what to say.
Then my grandma said, “What’s wrong?” She seemed quite amazed
When my mom blurted out, “Oh, he’s gay.”

So my grandmother looked at me, up and then down,
And, at first, didn’t utter a thing.
Then she turned to my mother and said with a frown,
“He’s not gay. He can’t even sing.”

“And look at that hair! And those clothes!”

Though my Thanksgiving coming out could have been better,
There are some things we cannot foresee.
But I’m grateful my cousin, even though I would let her,
Has never again touched my knee.

And as for you —

If you feel like you’re getting the Thanksgiving blues
And fun things start feeling like chores,
And you’re dreading the sound of your relatives’ shoes
As they head up the walk to your door —

Just think of my story as you make your way
Through whatever the holidays bring.
And be glad that you didn’t find out, on Thanksgiving Day,
That your son, or your daughter …

can’t sing.

* I'm very thankful to have Matt Kailey as one of my best friends. He's nominated for Best Blog in the 2010 Transguys Community Awards. If you'd be so kind as to click on this link and vote for him I'd be very thankful to you as well. Happy Thanksgiving! 

Matt Kailey to speak on panel at SAGE of the Rockies conference on GLBT aging today

Author and trans activist Matt Kailey will be on a panel today at the SAGE of the Rockies conference on GLBT aging 'Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow: Choosing to Live Well' that will address the unique needs and concerns of transgender and transsexual elders.

The conference itself addresses the needs and concerns of the entire LGBT community as we age.

I spoke to Kailey about the conference yesterday and he spoke on some of the topics that the conference will touch on and why they are important.

"Aging is of special importance to our community because we still suffer prejudice and discrimination within the medical, health care and aging services communities," said Kailey. "For same-sex couples, imagine having your partner go to a nursing home and not being allowed access to information or the same types of visitation that a straight partner would have. And what if you both moved into an assisted living facility or a nursing care facility and were not allowed to be in the same room? Also, there are concerns about how we might be treated by staff when they discover that we are LGBT. There are inheritance and other legal concerns. We have many unique needs that this conference will address."

It Gets Better: Matt Kailey

Matt Kailey, managing editor of Out Front Colorado, author, and trans activist and educator, speaks to young LGBT people struggling with bullying, depression or thoughts of suicide.

Kailey is speaking as a part of the "It Gets Better" project, the brainchild of Dan Savage. For more videos like this, visit www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject.

Five things Matt Kailey wishes you knew

Ever wish you knew more about transgender guys? Matt Kailey is here to tell you a thing or two (or five).

Wanna know more about the trans community? Ask Matt!

Interested in finding out about various aspects of transpeople's lives and issues?

My friend Matt Kailey is currently running a marathon of 'Ask Matt' columns on his blog Tranifesto.com. 'Ask Matt' is a recurring feature that is a support/advice feature for transpeople who write in with questions or concerns that are addressed by Matt and commented and expanded on by his readers.

A former teacher and social worker with 18 years of experience working with diverse populations, Kailey transitioned 13 years ago and has worked as an activist and advocate for the trans community ever since. He is the award-winning author of several books and essays and editor of Out Front Colorado.

It All Changed In An Instant: More Six Word Memoirs from Chelsea Handler, Sarah Silverman, Neil Patrick Harris, and Matt Kailey!

One of my best buddies, Denver's own Matt Kailey, has joined up with the likes of Chelsea Handler, Tony Kushner, Melissa Etheridge, Sarah Silverman, Neil Patrick Harris, Alison Bechdel, and Molly Ringwald as part of the second installment of the best-selling 'Six Word Memoirs' book series.

A fun way for people both famous and non-famous to talk about their lives and narrow it down to six words, 'It All Changed in an Instant: More Six Word Memoirs' is the non-book readers' book; light reading that boils a lifetime of experience down into just a few words.

"It's great to be included in such a fun book with so many people who have such diverse and interesting lives," says Kailey (click here to read his entry).

Some of my favorite entries include the following:

Neil Patrick Harris - Barney ... Doogie ..! Average names elude me.

Mackenzie Phillips - Dad never mentioned drugs were bad.

Sarah Silverman - Said vagina more than necessary. Vagina.

OUTSpoken is back!

Colorado's own GLBT TV show, 'OUTSpoken' (formerly known as 'Colorado OutSpoken' and even more formerly known as 'The Lambda Report'), returns to the airwaves tonight on KBDI Ch. 12 at 9 p.m.

That's prime time, baby!

Producer Eden Lane says of the show, "After 19 years and a few format changes, 'Colorado OutSpoken' is evolving again. Our guests and contributors will continue to highlight Colorado voices, and now we can easily include those perspectives outside of Colorado in ways the viewers can't get anywhere else."

In addition to producing, the lovely and talented Eden Lane will also be hosting the show. She'll be joined by a regular panel of commentators including Nita Mosby Henry, Founder and Director of The Kaleidoscope Project, writer/editor/speaker Matt Kailey, and me, Drew Wilson, of this blog right here.

Tonight's show will features interviews with actor/comedian Alec Mapa, gay rights activist Judy Shepard, HRC's Executive Director Joe Solmonese, and Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper.

Be sure to check it out!

And feel free to give us a holler to let us know about the people, places, and things you would like to see featured on upcoming episodes of 'OUTSpoken'. We really do want to hear from you.

Sneak peek below.

Just so you're aware

Did you know it's Transgender Awareness Week?

Matt Kailey talks Teeny Weenies

My good friend Matt Kailey talks to the Examiner.com GLBT Erotica Books Examiner about his short story Teeny Weenies, Inc. in Best Transgender Erotica, his favorite kinds of erotic stories, and three things he'd take with him to a deserted island.

Matt Kailey named National Transgender Issues Examiner

My good friend Matt Kailey, editor of Out Front Colorado and Colorado's LGBT-themed anthology Focus on the Fabulous, has been named the National Transgender Issues Examiner for Examiner.com.

After only a few months as Denver's Transgender Issues Examiner, Matt was consistently ranked as one of the most popular and most viewed Examiners in Denver.

With this promotion, Matt takes his rightful place on the national stage of transgender issues and I look forward to seeing what he does with it.

Congrats, Matt!

Kicked out for kissing

So two gay guys were kicked out of an El Paso, Texas restaurant for kissing and when they called the cops to complain, wait for it ... the cops told the gay guys that homosexual conduct was illegal!

It's not.

The Texas law against homosexual conduct was ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2003.

2003?!?

Homosexual conduct was illegal in Texas until 2003?

Un-effing-believable.

Between this story and the one about the kids being kicked out of the pool in Philadelphia the other day I am about to go on a rampage.

I think it might be a good idea to contact both Chico's Tacos and the El Paso Police Department and let them know what we think about all of this.

The phone number for the Chico's Tacos where this happened is 915-849-8777.

Myspace's Anti-Chico's Tacos group has 153 members already. Join up today.

Check out 9News' coverage of Denver PrideFest 2009

Channel 9's TaRhonda Thomas does a great job covering Denver PrideFest 2009 and my good friend Matt Kailey is featured heavily saying smart and important things!

The whys and hows of being transgender

Still not sure what it means to be transgender? CNN's got some 'hows' and 'whys' for ya.

And for more information check out the work of my good friend Matt Kailey at www.tranifesto.com or at Examiner.com where he's the newly minted Denver Transgender Issues Examiner.